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raeschaeTitle: I'm Just a Kid (a disclaimer!verse OneShot)
Author:raeschae
Rating: PG-13
Characters: OMC, mentions of Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Just some run-of-the-mill teenage angst
Word Count: 1500-ish
Disclaimer: Any real person depicted herein (no matter how unreal the portrayal) is property of himself – not me. The kid exists only in my own mind.
Summary: You know how Jared and Jensen felt about Brayden. This is a brief glimpse into Brayden's side of the story.
A/N: Once again, thanks be to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
neutraldeviance for his support and ideas, for beta-ing and cheering me on and making me pretty much feel like a rock star at every turn.
Two months.
Eight weeks.
Fifty six days.
It's really not that long, but when you're a kid, it feels like an eternity. Kind of.
Two months ago, he walked out of Truman Middle School, to find that his dad's car wasn't in its standard parking place. Eight weeks ago, he trekked five miles on foot back to the trailer they'd been living in with Dad's girlfriend, Lindsay, to find her shouting into the phone and throwing boxes of macaroni and cheese around the kitchen. Fifty-six days ago, he sank into the couch cushions and realized that his dad was gone.
It was weird. Lindsay kept calling him a worthless fucker – Brayden's pretty sure she meant his dad, not him – and bitching about how he stole her shit. He didn't know, at the time, what shit she was talking about. He knows now.
At first, he thought that it was going to be for a few hours. That his dad was obviously just blowing off some steam, and that he was going to come back before dinner. At least before bed time. It wasn't like he was going to just leave. 'Cause really, even if he was tired of Lindsay (and Brayden couldn't really blame him), he wasn't going to just leave Brayden there. He had to come back for his own kid, right?
When he was little, his dad used to call him 'My Little PIC'. My Little Partner in Crime. They did everything together, and while Brayden wasn't oblivious to the fact that he had a mom out there somewhere, he didn't really think about it. Didn't wrap his head around the concept of a woman he'd never met or even seen a picture of. As far as he was concerned, it was just him and his dad against the world.
His dad could do anything – build cool stuff with his bare hands, fix cars, make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. And he loved to sit on the couch with Brayden and watch cartoons. He could mimic the voices of a lot of the characters Brayden loved, and he used to read him comic books as bedtime stories, using the voices until Brayden drifted off to dreams of superheros and fantasy worlds. Nothing could come between them.
As it turns out, something could. Something has. Heroin. That's what the therapist told him when Mike took him over to the rehab center to visit a few days ago. The guys don't know that he went – Brayden was afraid to tell them that his dad had called while he was at school last week and asked him to come visit. But Mike was cool about taking him to the center and hanging out in the lobby while he sat in with his dad and some counselor.
Even now, when he thinks about that day, he remembers that it was kind of weird. Sitting next to some guy who looked like his dad, and kind of sounded like him, but wasn't really him. Not the way Brayden remembered him. It kind of threw him off. And when the doctor, who reminded him a lot of his principal, told him that it was okay to be angry, and that this was a safe place to vent your feelings and frustrations with your father, he slumped further in his chair, fixed his eyes on the floor, and tried not to roll them. Jensen would have laughed at that statement, he thought. And Jared probably would have just walked out of the room.
He didn't talk about either of them with his father. Never really came up, beyond his dad asking if he was okay and if he was being taken care of. Turns out, Brayden might be a little angrier with his dad than he thought he was, because that question? Are you doin' okay, Son? Made him really fucking want to let the man know that he didn't really deserve an answer. That you don't get to ask someone if they're okay, when you're the reason they might not be.
He doesn't want to be angry. He really doesn't want to hate his father. He wants to understand that addiction is an all-consuming thing, like the therapist tried to explain. He wants to feel like it's not his fault that his own fucking father just up and left without him to score some drugs. That it doesn't mean he's not worth more than being passed around to a bunch of strangers who can barely find the time to look in his general direction.
He kind of thinks his life doesn't totally suck, so maybe he doesn't have a right to be upset. Sure, his dad left, but he got to hang with a couple of really cool guys for a little while. So it wasn't all bad. And now his dad is getting better, and he wants to make up for the time he's missed. He wants to be a family again. And even if he is bringing Lindsay along with him, Brayden thinks he should be glad that he's actually going to have his dad back.
No, he is glad. He's kind of excited to sit around watching television with him again. To show him all of the things he draws on his notes at school, and watch the old man's face light up with pride when he tells Brayden how fucking amazing his art is. He wants all of that again – he's happy that he's getting it back.
It's just that he kind of wishes he didn't have to lose this to do it. Sitting in the theater with his knees drawn up to his chest, his forehead resting on them, he thinks about the fact that he's not going to get to sit here three days from now. He's not going to get to fall asleep watching anime on the big screen, or listen to Jensen trash talk him while they play Pro-Skater, or watch Jared make stupid faces behind Jensen's back while they eat around the island. Two months ago, he thought it was going to be weird as hell living with two gay guys he didn't even know, and who didn't want him around.
Now it kind of feels as much like home as any place he's ever lived.
He has his own room here. He still calls it the guest room when he talks to anybody about where he's staying these days, but he knows it's not anymore. He felt like a tool when he kind of geeked out on the X-Men over breakfast one morning with Jared. But when he got home, the guy had painted Wolverine, flanked by Jean Gray and Cyclops, along with Storm, Gambit, Rogue, and Professor Xavier on the wall above his bed. Like they watch over him when he sleeps now or something. So, yeah, he knows it's not the guest room anymore.
When he got back from New York, Jensen covered his bed with every piece of the new Ollie line. Said that they were prototypes, and that he needed Brayden to be his free advertising. But Danneel told him that nobody samples a line in his size, and that Jensen had the pieces commissioned specifically for Brayden before Macy's ever approved them. Some of the stuff didn't even make the final cut, and it makes him feel like maybe it's a big deal that he has one-of-a-kind gear now just because the designer wanted him to have it.
He remembers the night that Lindsay left him at Chris's house. Remembers that his dad was gone and he was so confused about what was going on. And he remembers hearing Jensen and Jared arguing about him in the kitchen. He remembers that they didn't really want to bring him into their house, and it makes everything they've done for him since Tom dropped him off two months ago seem that much more awesome. He's pretty sure he'll never meet anyone else like them, if he lives to be super old. Like thirty, even.
God, he doesn't fucking want to leave. But just because his dad abandoned him, it doesn't mean that Brayden wants to leave him hanging, either. He wants both . . . to be back with his dad, and here with the guys. All at the same time. And even worse than that feeling in his stomach when he realized his dad was gone is the knowledge that he can't. There's no such thing as having it all. And he can't help thinking that growing up fucking sucks ass.
“Hey, kiddo,” Jensen's voice startles him from the door way of the theater and Brayden looks up just in time to see the man push off the door frame and walk around the seats. “Aren't you supposed to be sleepin'?”
Without an invitation, Jensen sinks to the floor for a little midnight conversation. And as they talk, he realizes something. He has no idea what's going on with his dad, why he left or why he's coming back or what the hell is going to happen next. But there's something that he does know, without a doubt: It doesn't matter where he goes after Thursday. He's always going to have a place here, with these punk-ass gay guys who gave him a home when nobody else would.
Author:
raeschae Rating: PG-13
Characters: OMC, mentions of Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Just some run-of-the-mill teenage angst
Word Count: 1500-ish
Disclaimer: Any real person depicted herein (no matter how unreal the portrayal) is property of himself – not me. The kid exists only in my own mind.
Summary: You know how Jared and Jensen felt about Brayden. This is a brief glimpse into Brayden's side of the story.
A/N: Once again, thanks be to
neutraldeviance for his support and ideas, for beta-ing and cheering me on and making me pretty much feel like a rock star at every turn. Two months.
Eight weeks.
Fifty six days.
It's really not that long, but when you're a kid, it feels like an eternity. Kind of.
Two months ago, he walked out of Truman Middle School, to find that his dad's car wasn't in its standard parking place. Eight weeks ago, he trekked five miles on foot back to the trailer they'd been living in with Dad's girlfriend, Lindsay, to find her shouting into the phone and throwing boxes of macaroni and cheese around the kitchen. Fifty-six days ago, he sank into the couch cushions and realized that his dad was gone.
It was weird. Lindsay kept calling him a worthless fucker – Brayden's pretty sure she meant his dad, not him – and bitching about how he stole her shit. He didn't know, at the time, what shit she was talking about. He knows now.
At first, he thought that it was going to be for a few hours. That his dad was obviously just blowing off some steam, and that he was going to come back before dinner. At least before bed time. It wasn't like he was going to just leave. 'Cause really, even if he was tired of Lindsay (and Brayden couldn't really blame him), he wasn't going to just leave Brayden there. He had to come back for his own kid, right?
When he was little, his dad used to call him 'My Little PIC'. My Little Partner in Crime. They did everything together, and while Brayden wasn't oblivious to the fact that he had a mom out there somewhere, he didn't really think about it. Didn't wrap his head around the concept of a woman he'd never met or even seen a picture of. As far as he was concerned, it was just him and his dad against the world.
His dad could do anything – build cool stuff with his bare hands, fix cars, make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. And he loved to sit on the couch with Brayden and watch cartoons. He could mimic the voices of a lot of the characters Brayden loved, and he used to read him comic books as bedtime stories, using the voices until Brayden drifted off to dreams of superheros and fantasy worlds. Nothing could come between them.
As it turns out, something could. Something has. Heroin. That's what the therapist told him when Mike took him over to the rehab center to visit a few days ago. The guys don't know that he went – Brayden was afraid to tell them that his dad had called while he was at school last week and asked him to come visit. But Mike was cool about taking him to the center and hanging out in the lobby while he sat in with his dad and some counselor.
Even now, when he thinks about that day, he remembers that it was kind of weird. Sitting next to some guy who looked like his dad, and kind of sounded like him, but wasn't really him. Not the way Brayden remembered him. It kind of threw him off. And when the doctor, who reminded him a lot of his principal, told him that it was okay to be angry, and that this was a safe place to vent your feelings and frustrations with your father, he slumped further in his chair, fixed his eyes on the floor, and tried not to roll them. Jensen would have laughed at that statement, he thought. And Jared probably would have just walked out of the room.
He didn't talk about either of them with his father. Never really came up, beyond his dad asking if he was okay and if he was being taken care of. Turns out, Brayden might be a little angrier with his dad than he thought he was, because that question? Are you doin' okay, Son? Made him really fucking want to let the man know that he didn't really deserve an answer. That you don't get to ask someone if they're okay, when you're the reason they might not be.
He doesn't want to be angry. He really doesn't want to hate his father. He wants to understand that addiction is an all-consuming thing, like the therapist tried to explain. He wants to feel like it's not his fault that his own fucking father just up and left without him to score some drugs. That it doesn't mean he's not worth more than being passed around to a bunch of strangers who can barely find the time to look in his general direction.
He kind of thinks his life doesn't totally suck, so maybe he doesn't have a right to be upset. Sure, his dad left, but he got to hang with a couple of really cool guys for a little while. So it wasn't all bad. And now his dad is getting better, and he wants to make up for the time he's missed. He wants to be a family again. And even if he is bringing Lindsay along with him, Brayden thinks he should be glad that he's actually going to have his dad back.
No, he is glad. He's kind of excited to sit around watching television with him again. To show him all of the things he draws on his notes at school, and watch the old man's face light up with pride when he tells Brayden how fucking amazing his art is. He wants all of that again – he's happy that he's getting it back.
It's just that he kind of wishes he didn't have to lose this to do it. Sitting in the theater with his knees drawn up to his chest, his forehead resting on them, he thinks about the fact that he's not going to get to sit here three days from now. He's not going to get to fall asleep watching anime on the big screen, or listen to Jensen trash talk him while they play Pro-Skater, or watch Jared make stupid faces behind Jensen's back while they eat around the island. Two months ago, he thought it was going to be weird as hell living with two gay guys he didn't even know, and who didn't want him around.
Now it kind of feels as much like home as any place he's ever lived.
He has his own room here. He still calls it the guest room when he talks to anybody about where he's staying these days, but he knows it's not anymore. He felt like a tool when he kind of geeked out on the X-Men over breakfast one morning with Jared. But when he got home, the guy had painted Wolverine, flanked by Jean Gray and Cyclops, along with Storm, Gambit, Rogue, and Professor Xavier on the wall above his bed. Like they watch over him when he sleeps now or something. So, yeah, he knows it's not the guest room anymore.
When he got back from New York, Jensen covered his bed with every piece of the new Ollie line. Said that they were prototypes, and that he needed Brayden to be his free advertising. But Danneel told him that nobody samples a line in his size, and that Jensen had the pieces commissioned specifically for Brayden before Macy's ever approved them. Some of the stuff didn't even make the final cut, and it makes him feel like maybe it's a big deal that he has one-of-a-kind gear now just because the designer wanted him to have it.
He remembers the night that Lindsay left him at Chris's house. Remembers that his dad was gone and he was so confused about what was going on. And he remembers hearing Jensen and Jared arguing about him in the kitchen. He remembers that they didn't really want to bring him into their house, and it makes everything they've done for him since Tom dropped him off two months ago seem that much more awesome. He's pretty sure he'll never meet anyone else like them, if he lives to be super old. Like thirty, even.
God, he doesn't fucking want to leave. But just because his dad abandoned him, it doesn't mean that Brayden wants to leave him hanging, either. He wants both . . . to be back with his dad, and here with the guys. All at the same time. And even worse than that feeling in his stomach when he realized his dad was gone is the knowledge that he can't. There's no such thing as having it all. And he can't help thinking that growing up fucking sucks ass.
“Hey, kiddo,” Jensen's voice startles him from the door way of the theater and Brayden looks up just in time to see the man push off the door frame and walk around the seats. “Aren't you supposed to be sleepin'?”
Without an invitation, Jensen sinks to the floor for a little midnight conversation. And as they talk, he realizes something. He has no idea what's going on with his dad, why he left or why he's coming back or what the hell is going to happen next. But there's something that he does know, without a doubt: It doesn't matter where he goes after Thursday. He's always going to have a place here, with these punk-ass gay guys who gave him a home when nobody else would.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 01:22 am (UTC)Just a heads up (because I'm lame) - heroin, as in the drug, spelled like that ;)
This is gorgeous sweetie!! I'm so glad you're still playing in this 'verse XD
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Date: 2009-10-12 01:45 am (UTC)Thanks, though - I'm really glad you enjoyed it - I wasn't sure how people would react to a story that's mostly about another character in the 'verse - not the boys. Means a lot that you dug it.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 02:08 am (UTC)It's very sweet and it's good to get Brayden's thoughts on all of what went on because they story was about him as well as the Js.
Amazing addition to the disclaimer!verse.
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Date: 2009-10-12 02:10 am (UTC)Thanks again!
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Date: 2009-10-12 02:27 am (UTC)Many thanks for this new installment!
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Date: 2009-10-12 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 02:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 03:00 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed this installment and be on the look-out - I've got another one coming soon!
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Date: 2009-10-12 02:54 am (UTC)thanx for writing it.. it was a really touching.. ^_^
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Date: 2009-10-12 03:01 am (UTC)Spoiler alert? The next one is inspired by the link you sent me the other day. :)
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 03:19 am (UTC)and a wonderful addition
brayden is adorable --good job on the pov
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Date: 2009-10-12 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 04:47 am (UTC)Hearing from Braydon and seeing the J's through his eyes just made the 'verse richer.
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Date: 2009-10-12 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 04:58 am (UTC)seriously, i don't know how you manage to push every button i've got with this series, especially considering i don't have kids, i dont' want kids, i don't dig tattoos or skater boys or well, any of this, except that all i want to do is make things work for these punk-ass gay guys and this poor lost kid.
your take on the system and drug addiction and recovery is refreshingly realistic.
seriously,
much deep and abiding love. Any way you could be convinced to you know, give up that pesky life of yours and just write in this verse forever?
Anyway, thank you for gettiing it oh so right :D
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Date: 2009-10-12 10:44 am (UTC)And thank you! Your comment really made my day. I'm not even sure how to respond, other than to just say 'GAH!' (That's a good thing, by the way.)
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Date: 2009-10-12 05:19 am (UTC)I love the kid POV, and that you made his dad kinda awesome. Before the drugs, I mean. With the voices and the comics and the picture books... and that he's trying really hard now.
I've been hoping you'd give us more of him! Since Brayden wanted to go back to him, he had to have super good qualities, and I really wanted to know about them! :D So, thanks for writing this piece up. ♥ (Will you ever give us dad POV? I don't want to be pushy, because I hate those reviewers who always want MOAR, but *whispers* it would be kinda totally very extremely awesome. :p)
Lots of love for the Brayden POV!
♥!
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Date: 2009-10-12 10:46 am (UTC)And to answer your question, I'm not really planning on doing anything from Rick's POV, but he does play a pretty prominent role in the sequel, if I ever get around to working on that. :)
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Date: 2009-10-12 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 10:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 05:40 am (UTC)Also, I do a little dance whenever I get to use my chad-a-licious icon, but it didn't make the cut this time. Why? Because this story deserved Rachel tears. I was bawling like a little girl by ... you don't get to ask someone if they're okay, when you're the reason they might not be.
This was beautiful, darling. A great addition to this wonderful world of bad ass J2. :D
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Date: 2009-10-12 10:49 am (UTC)I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, and FYI: warm up your Chad icon - he's got a pretty interesting part to play in the next couple of installments. :)
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Date: 2009-10-12 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 10:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 10:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-12 10:52 am (UTC)Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting. The fact that you want something specific to happen one way or the other just lets me know that you're connecting with the story and the characters, and that means more to me than anything. Thank you!
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Date: 2009-10-13 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-13 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-13 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-13 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-13 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-13 09:19 pm (UTC)Anyway - on that absolutely depressing note - thank you so much for continuing to read and comment on this 'verse! It means a lot to me.
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Date: 2009-10-14 01:56 am (UTC)haha
ANYWHORE! Baby...so fucking fantastic. I LOVE that you just have this...I dunno. This...INSIGHT to each and every character you write, like, I dunno..like you know the pain of loss and can identify with it and shit. I love that about your stories because you really truly do bring in the emotions. A truly great writer can make a person feel something with every. fucking. word.
You do that. I almost feel unworthy calling myself your beta. *blink*
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Date: 2009-10-14 02:53 am (UTC)Second of all, thank you so much. To know that you feel these guys, and that I can convey what they might be thinking and feeling in a way that gets to you? Means the world to me!
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Date: 2009-10-14 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-14 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-14 03:37 pm (UTC)I enjoyed reading the story from Brayden's POV. You've created a wonderful OMC here.
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Date: 2009-10-14 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-06 09:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-06 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-29 09:54 pm (UTC)I work with a lot of kids in foster or kin care, all kinds of odd arrangements to make sure they get looked after, and you really captured that duality of feeling, wanting back with your parents while being pissed at them for what they've done to you.
Also, I love Jared painting the X-men in the room, so now it's brayden's room instead of a guest room, and Jensen giving him the whole Ollie line. And the way these balls-out gifts are their way of showing they care because, you know, guys.