I Like Where You Sleep (When You Sleep Next to Me) (A Creative Control OneShot)

[raeschae]

Title: I Like Where You Sleep (When You Sleep Next to Me) (A Creative Control OneShot)
Author: raeschae
Pairing: J2
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3000ish

Summary: Cohabitation may very well be the next step in Jensen's relationship with Jared, but that doesn't mean that Jensen's ready to take it.
A Creative Control time stamp.

A/N: Title comes from hellogoodbye's Here (In Your Arms).




“I want you to move in.”

If there's a soundtrack to Jensen's life, the needle on the record just scratched so loudly, he thinks maybe it ruptures his ear drum.

He doesn't respond because, well, he can't. This is not the kind of bomb you drop on a guy after fucking his brain out of his head. It's not the kind of proposal that should be discussed while boneless and naked and sweating. It's not the kind of thought you should entertain with come drying on your belly.

Jensen knows that he's good with the sex (Jared seems to be particularly avid fan) but, as far as he knows, he's never fucked anyone completely stupid before. Until now, apparently. It's the only explanation he can fathom for such a ridiculous statement. Jared's clearly lost all cognitive brain function.

“Jensen?”

He can feel Jared's body turn toward his, the way he hitches himself up on his elbow and stares down. There are forty three glittered flecks in the ceiling tile directly above his head. Jensen knows because he can't force himself to look Jared in the eye and counting glitter flecks seems to be the best suitable distraction.

“Hey.” He's like a dog with a new rawhide when he gets an idea in his head. It's probably what makes him a good director. Makes him an annoying-as-fuck boyfriend, though. “Look at me.”

Forcing himself to breathe deeply through his nose and back out through his mouth, Jensen turns his head and gives Jared his best lazy, fucked-out grin. “Hi.” He's not exactly trying to be distracting, but if Jared loses his train of thought or something, Jensen won't complain.

Of course, Jared's not the kind of guy who's thought train jumps the tracks very often, so he just fixes that concerned look on his face and trails the hand not propping up his head over Jensen's bicep and down his forearm. “You hear me?”

He knows, of course, that Jensen heard him. Just as surely as Jensen knows Jared's hand is making its way toward his wrist. Sure enough, he brushes his thumb over Jensen's racing pulse point and that crease in his brow furrows even deeper.

“Don't frown. You'll get wrinkles.”

Jared doesn't appreciate the tip. “Ignoring me isn't going to make me take it back.”

Of course it's not. He's been throwing the offer out into the atmosphere every chance he gets for the last three months. It started out subtle enough at first, with Jared pointing out that Jensen spends as much time at his house as he does in his own apartment, probably more, and it's stupid to spend the money on rent when he's never there. Over time, though, he's gotten less covert in his prodding. And it's about to stop being amusing.

“I need a shower,” is Jensen answer as he rolls off the bed and away from Jared's soothing touch. He doesn't point out that Jared wouldn't have to calm him down if he didn't get him all worked up like this in the first place.

Thankfully, Jared doesn't try to stop him. He's good at knowing when to push Jensen, and when to back the fuck off. He's good at pretty much everything.

So why doesn't Jensen just make the leap and move the fuck into this house that he practically lives in anyway? A normal person would, wouldn't they? It makes him some kind of freak, doesn't it? That he doesn't want to move in with the his hotter-than-legal boyfriend? After nearly a year together, no less. His own mother is asking him when he's going to take the plunge, for fuck's sake. He should just clean himself up, step out of the bathroom, and say 'Okay.'

He should, but Jensen knows damn well he won't. Not because he's stupid, or even incapable of forming the word. But because the thought of giving up his space, that part of his life that is his, and only his, is terrifying. Add another tick to the 'freak' column, but Jensen's never had a serious relationship before, and even though he can admit that he's crazy about Jared, that he loves him like he never expected to, he doesn't know how to do this.

Jensen's always been an independent guy. Since he was a kid, he's been determined to do things his own way, whether anybody else liked it or not. Conforming to accommodate someone else isn't something he's ever been interested in, and now that he thinks about it sometimes, it throws him off.

The bottom line is that Jensen has issues with commitment. And not just the relationship variety, either. He loves his job because it's never the same thing two days in a row. The thought of living a predictable, boring life sticks under his skin like needles and crawls through his veins like a million tiny fire ants.

But for a guy who lives for the spontaneous, Jensen's not so good with change. Oh, little things are fine. The shit that gets thrown at him on the set? Revisions to scripts and last-minute details that he has to turn around on a moments notice are no problem. Spur-of-the-moments plans to go out with Steve and Danneel, or to take off for a weekend in Vegas with Jared don't faze him in the least. But major life changes? Like giving up his apartment and moving in with his boyfriend? He'd rather stab himself in the eye with a fork.

He scrubs himself clean and stands under the spray a little longer than is probably necessary. He'd be lying if he said he isn't hoping Jared will just pass out and forget this whole thing when they wake up in the morning.

But Jared is still Jared, and it doesn't matter how long they just spent rolling around the bed like sex is an Olympic sport, he's not going to just let it go. Jensen knows that, so it's not a total surprise when he shuts the water off and hears the bathroom door open.

To his credit, Jared doesn't say anything. Through the tempered glass door, Jensen can see him pull the toilet seat up, as if this is any other day and he didn't just send Jensen into hiding until the water turned too cold to be comfortable. He remains silent while he turns to the sink and washes his hands before cleaning himself off with the rag Jensen sat out for him while his water was heating up twenty minutes ago.

When he turns toward the shower, Jensen sees him lean back and brace his hands against the edge of the sink. “You gonna try to wait me out?” He hoists himself onto the counter and crosses his arms over his chest. “Cause I can sit here all night. And you're gonna get cold.”

With a roll of his eyes and a huff, Jensen slides the door back and grabs the towel from the rack. “What are we? Kids?”

“Nah,” Jared shakes his head, eyes serious and tone sarcastic. “You runnin' off to hide in the shower is definite man behavior.”

“Jay,” Jensen steps forward and rests his hands against Jared's thigh. If he can't hide, he might as well try the next best thing in getting Jared's mind off the topic at hand. Sometimes he hates how easily he falls back on old, seductive habits. “Come on, man. We were havin' a good time.”

The truth is that it hasn't always been easy, being Jared's boyfriend. He doesn't know what he's doing half the time, and the other half, he's well-aware that he's testing boundaries and pushing limits. Neither is the most admirable of traits.

Jared covers his hands and stops his upward progress. “Jen, I love you,” he says, eyes narrowing as he waits for the inevitable cringe that always follows those words.

Jensen doesn't mean to, but for small words, they pack a powerful punch. Sometimes he still wonders why Jared wants to have anything to do with him at all, and it's not so easy to believe that he's loved in spite of the fact that he's a little, to put it mildly, difficult.

“I know it's a big step,” Jared assures him, spreading his thighs wider to pull Jensen close. One hand traps his fingers against Jared's leg, while the other wraps around his neck and rubs softly at the hairs there. “But you're in this, right? With me?” Jensen just nods. “I don't wanna push you. I get that you like having your own space, and I don't want you to feel cramped or crowded, okay? But,” he stops and catches his bottom lip between his teeth, like he's trying to decide how best to say whatever's on his mind. “Jensen, your lease is up in two months. If you sign another one? We're what? Doin' this same dance for another year? I don't know if I can do that.”

“I can't have this conversation with you right now.”

Jensen pulls back and turns, but Jared catches his wrist. “Come on, man. Don't walk me off on this one. Please.”

“Can we at least put some pants on?”

So maybe it's a lame attempt to buy more time, but he can't talk to Jared about what is probably the single biggest turning point in their relationship while he's draped in a towel and Jared is naked on the bathroom counter. It's just too fucking weird.

“Yeah, alright,” Jared nods and jumps off of the counter.

He leaves Jensen without another word, and for the longest time, Jensen just stands there. Waits and listens until Jared has moved through the room, found a pair of shorts or pajama pants, pulled them on, and then headed out of the bedroom. He's going to the kitchen, and Jensen can't hear it, but he can see it clearly in his mind.

Jared's frustrated, which means that he's brewing tea over the stove. He doesn't even really like it that much, but it takes time to do it in a way that he can actually stand to drink it, so that's what he does when he needs to busy his hands and focus his attention. If he was pissed, he'd just pop the tab on a beer can and drain half of it in one, steady pull.

Jensen steps out of the bathroom and walks automatically to Jared's side of the bed. He doesn't even stop to think about the fact that he's grabbing pillows from the floor and tossing them back onto the bed until it's done and he's sliding the drawer of Jared's bedside table open to check his condom supply.

That's when it hits him. Right there, doing the most mundane thing in the world.

He doesn't like change because he doesn't handle well the fear of the unknown. For him, giving up his own place and moving in here constitutes letting go of a world that is comfortable, and safe, and launching into something he still hasn't figured out, and maybe never will. It means that he's not just looking out for himself anymore, but fully merging his life with someone else. There are a million ways that it could go wrong, and Jensen doesn't handle failure all that well.

But as he slides Jared's drawer shut, he realizes that this life he has with Jared isn't unknown at all. He doesn't have to see Jared to know what he's doing right now. And he didn't have to see the pillows on the floor to know that Jared threw them there as soon as they walked into the bedroom a couple of hours ago. It's what he always does.

He doesn't have to think twice about checking the condom supply because he knows that it's his job to make sure that they're where they're supposed to be. Their sex life runs a little like a movie set. Jared's the director, and he'll make sure that everyone is satisfied with the end product. Jensen's the PA who makes sure that Jared has everything he needs to do his job. It's not something they've ever discussed, but Jensen knows that they both understand their roles, and that they're both happy to play them.

He knows that, if he picks it up and checks right now, his iPod is loaded with episodes of his favorite shows, and a couple of the new movies that he's been wanting to check out. Jared makes sure that it's ready at a moment's notice, in case Jensen needs to veg with a few cigarettes and some mind-numbing television after a particularly hard day. He knows that Jared bought the new lounger out on the deck, teak with plush, comfortable cushions, just for him to have his own place to escape, even though he's never asked, and Jared's never admitted that.

Tomorrow morning, Jared will hit the snooze three times before he drags himself into the shower, and then he'll start trying to wake Jensen up an hour before he actually has to roll out of bed. He'll start by kissing Jensen's neck and shoulder. He'll whisper filthy things against Jensen's ear, and devote the entire sixty minutes to coaxing him out of the bed before finally smacking Jensen's hip and telling him to get the hell up. And he'll be looking at Jensen like he's everything in the world that means anything when Jensen finally pries his eyes open and grumbles about how much he hates mornings.

If he wanted to go back to his apartment, he would have to pack a bag. All of his clothes are here, on his side of the closet, and in his half of the dresser. Most of his dvds are in the tower out by the television and his books have made their way onto the shelves in Jared's office, shoved in with all of Jared's so that neither of them really remembers which ones belong to which of them anymore.

When he makes his way into the kitchen, Jared is staring at the stove and tapping his foot against the floor. It means that he's impatient, and he's acting like it's the tea kettle that he's waiting on, but Jensen knows that it's not.

He drags his hand over Jared's bare back on his way to the refrigerator and when he looks up from withdrawing a bottle of water, Jared's eyes are raking over him skeptically. “What?” Jensen asks, smiling around the lip of the bottle.

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

Jensen shrugs and leans his hip against the kitchen counter. “They're my favorite, man.” He'll defend his threadbare pajama pants to the grave, even if they are ten years old and faded to the point that you can barely make out the little Homer Simpsons all over them.

“Your favorite?” Jared's barely managing to hold back his grin, his expression a mixture of skepticism and amusement. “How come I've never seen 'em before?”

Jensen shrugs. “Only wear 'em at home,” he answers easily, tipping the bottle again and letting the words settle in the air between them. He just hopes that Jared figures it out without a flashing neon sign. Just because the decision is made, he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it or anything.

“Why?” Jensen tilts his head, confused by the question, so Jared elaborates with, “Is it because you think you have to? That I'll break up with you or something if you don't? Because that's not what I meant.”

Jensen just pushes off the counter and steps across the distance between them. “It's because it's time,” he nods his head, more sure of this decision than any he's ever made. “Dude, I don't know if you've noticed, but I pretty much live here anyway. Why not make it official?” He rests his hands on Jared's waist and dips his head when Jared moves to kiss him. “I'm not a freeloader, though. I'm gonna pay you rent.”

Jared just rolls his eyes. “I'm not charging you rent. You're my boyfriend.” Off of Jensen's look, he flexes his shoulders and stares at the ceiling, like he's trying to come up with a suitable negotiation. “Alright. You can pay for . . . food or something. I don't know. We'll figure it out later. Hell, I'll take it out in trade.”

When he pulls Jensen in again, Jensen side-steps once more. “Dude, come on. I'm not gonna be your kept boy. I'm gonna pull my own weight.”

Sighing heavily, Jared catches Jensen's shoulders. “You seriously wanna talk about money right now?”

Jensen doesn't. What he really wants is for Jared to lay him out on the dining room table, or right here on the kitchen floor. That would be a hell of a lot easier, anyway. “No, but Jared, this is kinda huge for me, okay? If I'm gonna do it, I wanna make sure that I do it right.”

He worries about screwing things up at work, or not being able to get them done the way the director or producers want them. But this thing with Jared? It's so much more important than that. There's no room for error here.

This time, when Jared traps his face between those enormous hands and backs him up against the counter, Jensen doesn't have time to dodge the contact. Jared's so close, they're sharing air, and he can't look away from those laser-intense hazel eyes.

“We're gonna do what we've always done, okay?” Jared's lips press hot against his cheek and trail over Jensen's jaw to his ear. “The only way we can. Our way, okay?” Jensen just nods, head falling back a little when Jared presses his thigh tight and hard between Jensen's legs. “Now can we please talk logistics later? I'd kinda like to celebrate the fact that my boyfriend is moving in with me now.”

Maybe Jared's right. The way his mouth works at Jensen's neck and his hands push the thin pants off his hips, he can barely remember his own name anyway, let alone whatever he was worried about a minute ago. When he's here, with Jared, it feels like maybe he can let go of everything else and just be himself.

It feels like maybe he's home.


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Comments

[batman-mcghee.livejournal.com]

just wheni'm about to sign off and get ready for work you post? so rude of you. ;)

i guess i'll just steal first comment and read later. yes, i is greedy... what of it?

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

I know, I'm heartless, right? Sheesh!

Hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it!

[sd-singer.livejournal.com]

Another great instllment of this 'Verse. I loved it.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[lovelikeackles.livejournal.com]

i can never get enough of your verses (: and condoms made jensen see the light! yay! heh.
so much love! ♥♥♥

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

What can I say? Condoms are the answer, no matter the question. ;)

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it.

[trailer-queen.livejournal.com]

This is so realistic and wonderful. I love it.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[velvetsun.livejournal.com]

This was sweet. I'm glad Jensen finally figured it out! =) loved the part where Jensen Gets all introspective at Jared's bedside. Can't wait for another glimpse of their lives now.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

That's my favorite part, too! I love making people realize huge, monumental things at really insignificant moments! I'm so glad it worked for you!

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Love the way you get inside Jensen's head in this Verse. That realization that Jared is not the unknown for him anymore? Was perfect.

(And speaking of things I love, I recc'ed the Disclaimer!Verse at spnroundtable this month..:))

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

I saw that yesterday, and had the overwhelming urge to kiss you right on your mouth. (But not in a creepy way or anything . . .)

And thanks on this one, too! I've known for awhile why Jensen was holding back, but I wanted to make sure that I could write it in a way that was understandable. I'm glad it worked for you!

[whiteted.livejournal.com]

I really adore this verse. Another great update.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[nightporters.livejournal.com]

I'm happy. You've finally made me happy with this verse.

This is the biggest compliment I can pay you as an author. I finally 'get' it.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how relieved that makes me. I know that not everybody is going to just 'get' everything I write. It's impossible to please everyone, all the time. But you've been hangin' in there with me through every installment, and it means everything to know that I finally found a way to make it work for you!

I write what I love, and for the most part, I don't worry about the reaction to it. But the teacher/coach in me wants to make sure that I'm clearly communicating. I'm giddy that you 'got' it!

Thank you so much!

[kubis.livejournal.com]

I like that, Jensen's doubts and epiphany over such a simple thing (epiphany over condoms, lol) and Jared who gives him his space, but doesn't let go of what he wants either.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Come on, who hasn't had an epiphany over condoms, huh? ;)

Both of the guys in this story have their hard limits - things that are too important to them to cave on - and I think that's what allows them to respect each other, even when they don't agree. Or something.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked this latest installment!

[live-laugh-love.livejournal.com]

I really love how you are able to keep them different in the different verses, yet keep them the same. Does that make sense? It made sense in my head. What I'm trying to say is I admire your talent.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Makes sense to me, I think.

And thank you! That's a pretty huge compliment - I appreciate it.

[macbyrne.livejournal.com]

I love this 'verse a ridiculous amount. I love how Jared and Jensen compliment each other so well here, and how each know what the other needs, and how Jensen's screwed up, but not broken. Love this; hope you do more in this 'verse.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have plans. Lots and lots of plans.

Screwed up but not broken may also be my new favorite Jensen description. You rock out loud.

Thanks!

[zuben-eschamali.livejournal.com]

*squeee*! This is the one you were referring to earlier about how our great minds think alike, right? Which is funny, 'cause other parts of it sound just like the 'verse conclusion I've been working on, which means this time you got the jump on me. :) The Jensens in our heads are awfully similar, I guess.

Oh, and this: "Their sex life runs a little like a movie set. Jared's the director, and he'll make sure that everyone is satisfied with the end product. Jensen's the PA who makes sure that Jared has everything he needs to do his job." Was hilarious. And sweet. Just like the rest of the story. :)

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

This IS the one I was talking about! I trimmed it back a little bit, since the situation didn't really feel like the time for a long discussion, but yeah . . . I figure they probably work it out almost exactly like your guys did, but this time nobody has to know that we share a brain. ;)

And the whole 'sex like a movie set' thing? I have no idea where that came from . . . it just kinda popped out and made sense. I'm glad you liked it!

[akadougal.livejournal.com]

One of the best things about this verse is how different it is and how it makes me think. Adored this.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Knowing that it makes you think is a huge compliment!

[ldyghst.livejournal.com]

These boys... so very stubborn... :) Thanks hon! *hugs*

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

They ARE very stubborn. I like to think it's one instance where it actually works out for them, though. Hopefully.

;)

[azabeth1.livejournal.com]

I love your Jensen and Jared in this 'verse so much! This was a great part- and i adore how Jensen is starting to adapt to really being with Jared and accepting the commitment. I also love how Jared wants to take care of Jensen and tries to be what he need as well. These two just work so well together- you write their emotions brilliantly. What a truly beautiful update to a wonderful 'verse <3

P.S Love the title too!

P.P.S You are awesome btw!

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you, first of all. I kind of love these guys together a lot, so I'm glad you do, too.

And you wouldn't believe how long I sat here, staring at the screen and running through possible titles that I hated before that song started playing and I was like "Well, duh."

[song-to-me.livejournal.com]

"Only wear 'em at home." - sigh, so freaking perfect! Love this 'verse, Rae; just reread it this weekend, so I'm psyched for a new chapter.

I love how Jared knows just when to push and when to give Jensen a little space. Awesome!

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

You were re-reading this 'verse? That's awesome!

I love Jensen in his old, faded pajama pants. Even if I can only see it in my head. ;)

[anifsemaj.livejournal.com]

Great update to this 'verse! I just love these two... (well, any of your J2s actually)

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Every time I see your icon, I think 'I need to get a Chad icon.' I never do it, but I always think that I need to.

And thank you! I love these boys, too. So hard!

[jesseofthenorth.livejournal.com]

Nicely Done!
I wondered were you were taking these two, now I know.
Please tell me there's more.
Plus have I mentioned that I Love your timestamps? I do . Love 'em.You are so awesome at maintaining a characters voice.
Thanks for the satisfying read

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thanks, first of all, for saying that you love the timestamps. I was just telling someone today that I feel like I should be working on a new AU, but the timestamps just keep flowing. I worry sometimes that people are going to get tired of reading the same verses over and over again, so your compliment made me smile.

And yes, there's more from these two on the horizon. I promise.

[your-byron.livejournal.com]

Awww, i really adore this verse!

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[spooky2-alex.livejournal.com]

This verse is so intense, complex and mature and lovely and PERFECT. I can't wait for more. I love this guys soooo much, you can't even imagine ;-)

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Wow. Thank you! I'm really glad you like it.

And don't worry - I have more in store for these two.

[blackpanther07.livejournal.com]

This is a brilliant verse, I love every part of it. Thank you.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[jjinmo-356.livejournal.com]

yes, I loved this, Jensen feels like he is home. wonderful

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

I think Jensen's probably felt like he's home with Jared for awhile, he just wasn't ready to admit it just yet.

[bananas2009.livejournal.com]

I've read almost every fic you've written (or posted, I guess) and loved them but for whatever reason, I'd never read the Creative Control 'verse. I was not surprised when I sat down to read this and ended up finishing the entire 'verse in one sitting including the time stamps. I absolutely love your writing! I really enjoy how Jared is determined to be even more stubborn then Jensen in order to make this relationship work. I love that Jared is patient, and Jensen is eventually willing to trust him. In one of the fics Jensen said something about how they aren't perfect, but they're perfect for each other - so true!

As for this particular time stamp, I really like the way Jensen ended up deciding to move in with Jared. Not because his mom told him to, or that Jared had been asking him for months, but because he picked up Jared's pillows off the floor. It seems so characteristic of him within this 'verse.

Thanks for sharing these, I've really enjoyed them!

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of blown away by your super kind words. And by the fact that you spent so much time with my boys! I love these two, and they're a little different than any other version of them that I write. Jensen is a pain in the ass sometimes, and Jared's patience is damn near saintly. I kind of have this kink, though, for writing characters that belong together. Like they wouldn't be able to function in a relationship with anyone but each other? If that makes sense.

Also, I have a kink for monumental discoveries happening in the middle of completely insignificant moments. I guess this installment kind of plays directly into that, huh? I should probably try to hide my kinks a little bit better, I suppose. ;)

Anyway . . . thank you so much again for saying such super nice things about this verse and the other stories. It means the world to me!

[candygramme.livejournal.com]

Awww... adorable.

So sweet and gently loving! It's the tiny things that make the difference, all too often. Glad that Jensen noticed those condoms.

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

It's all about the condoms, really. Life-changing. If Kripke wants an authentic season finale, he'll find a way for condoms to avert the apocalypse.

And thank you! I figured it was time for some schmoop in this verse. ;)

[geek-hunter.livejournal.com]

I love this verse! I don't think i've commented on it before for some reason though :S. Anyhow, this was just perfect! Jensen picking up pillows and checking condoms and realizing he's home... sublime and divine! I love how Jared "got it" when Jensen said he only wears his Homer Simpson PJs at *home* *hearts, hugs, and kisses*

[raeschae.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much!

I was telling someone else before - my kink is kind of showing in this fic. I have a thing for huge realizations being made in the most understated ways. It feels the most authentic for me. I'm really glad it works for you, too!