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Seasons Change (a Change 'verse Timestamp)
Title: Seasons Change
Pairing: Jensen/Jared/Danneel (but mostly Jensen/Jared in this one)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~7500
Summary: Jared is excited to come home for winter break, but college has changed his relationships with Jensen and Danneel.
Notes: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
transfixeddream, who said that all he wanted from me for Christmas was a sequel to my Jared/Jensen/Danneel HS AU, Change is the Only Constant, wherein everyone is home for their first winter break since leaving for college, and Jared and Jensen finally, well, I don't want to spoil it.
Also, thanks todugindeep for the beta. You know how much I appreciate all of your help and input!
Jared's battered Corolla eases to a stop in the driveway and he takes a second to look at the house through the bug-smeared windshield before he shoulders his way out of the car. Feet on the ground, he stretches his arms over his head and listens for the crack of his spine before he slams the door shut with his hip and allows himself a small smile. It's been months since he's managed to get back and it feels good to be in Texas again. Better than he thought it would feel, for sure.
It still twists in his stomach, this feeling that he doesn't really belong here anymore. It sucks because this is the only place Jared every really felt like he belonged, back before he left for college in August. He's lived in a lot of places, his mom moving around to keep his dad from finding them, but none of those places really felt like home. Not until he got here.
The weirdest part is that Jared has never cared about being like everyone else. He does what he can to stand out in a crowd, to buck convention, so it's hard to explain why there's a difference between blending in, fading into the background until he's wholly forgettable, and just blending, easily slotting into a place that was made just for him.
That's what he had with Jensen and Danneel. Before he left, he felt like they had carved out a special place just for him and it didn't matter that they'd known each other longer or loved each other like crazy, because they loved him, too. Danneel was always there to rub his back and comfort him when he was stressed, and Jensen, for all of his quirks and anxiety, let Jared in and listened when he talked. It didn't matter that he was the weird, skinny goth kid who was also on the Speech team and defied every convention ever. Not to them.
“Jared!” his mother cries from the doorway, interrupting his thoughts as she barrels out the front door and wraps her arms around his shoulders. “I made sugar cookies,” she announces when she pulls away.
Jared winces and can't help the incredulous expression on his face. “Why?”
“To welcome you home,” she says, smacking the back of his head as she leads him into the house.
In so many ways, it's exactly like it was when he left. The same pictures are framed on the mantle above the fireplace and the same artwork – stuff he painted in his last couple of years in high school – are still framed on the walls. The same patchwork quilt that his grandmother made before he was born still covers the back of the same Salvation Army couch his mom bought before they moved here from Iowa a year and a half ago.
Jared realizes, as he follows his mother into the kitchen and flops onto one of the bar stools, that it feels weird because he's changed, not because the house has. His mom is still a terrible baker – the cookies are burnt and rock hard when he tries to bite into them – and she still laughs about it with so much fervor that Jared is convinced she made them as a joke.
“Danneel's called twice this morning already,” she tells him, winking conspiratorially.
Swallowing the cookie lump in his throat, Jared asks, “Really?”
His mom nods. “Once when she got into town, around ten, and again just about twenty minutes ago. I think she missed you.”
Not for the first time, he wishes that he'd been able to tell her about Danneel and Jensen before he left for Berkley. He's entirely convinced that she wouldn't understand it but he thinks maybe he should have told her anyway. Jensen's parents used to have them over for dinner sometimes and would leave for weekend getaways just so Jared and Jensen and Danneel could have the place to themselves for awhile. They were so cool about the polyamorous relationship that their son was in, Jared was convinced it was impossible for his mom to react the same way. Still, it's not a good feeling, knowing that he's lying to her.
“Has Jensen called?” he asks anyway and if the question is suspicious in any way, she doesn't show it as she scrapes the cookies from the tray with a spatula.
“Nope,” she says, transferring the cookies to a Tupperware container. This means that she's planning on either sending these back to school with Jared in a couple of weeks or giving them to someone else. Neither option is very festive, in Jared's opinion. “But Danneel said that he was finishing some things up at school before he came home. You should call her. I'm sure she'll fill you in.”
With a nod, Jared pushes off the stool and announces that he's going to his room. It's been weeks since he last heard from Jensen, and Danneel isn't exactly offering any information. She always says that he can ask Jensen himself if he's so desperate to know what's going on but Jared never does. Jensen goes to MIT, for fuck's sake. He's a busy guy, too busy to be bothered by his high school boyfriend's need for reassurance.
He pushes the door to his room open and can't help smiling. Same room, same furniture, same décor and somehow it still manages to feel like it belongs to someone else. He's dropping to the old, second-hand mattress before he even realizes that he's dialing his cell phone.
“Are you finally home?” Danneel asks against his ear, her voice sugar-coated and warm, like Jared assumes his mom's cookies were supposed to be.
Chuckling, he flops back on his bed and stares at the band posters he taped to the ceiling last year. “Just got in,” he answers. “Mom said you'd called a couple times.”
“I've missed you. Sue me,” Danneel answers, a smile evident in her tone.
Silence falls between them even though there are about a thousand things that Jared wants to say to her, to hear her say back to him. Finally, he asks, “Does your room feel weird to you now?”
She hums softly. “Kinda feels like my junior high jersey,” is her answer. Jared just laughs and she goes on. “I still have it, ya know? Love it and everything. It just doesn't quite fit anymore.”
“Yes,” Jared nods, smiling because she's so dead on with her assessment of how he's feeling right now. “What're you doin' right now?”
His voice is low and hers is, too, when she chuckles in response. “Why? What are you doin'?”
It's not the first time a conversation between them has started like this but Jared feels weird talking dirty to his girlfriend in his mother's house. He's not sure why, being as he's had actual sex with both she and Jensen in this bed, but it feels weird now. “I was thinkin' about comin' over. You game?”
“Of course,” Danneel answers without hesitation. “I have to go pick Jensen up at the airport at seven but we can hang until then,” she tells him.
Jared wants to ask if he's invited to tag along on that outing, if he can be there when Jensen comes through the security gate, looking all disheveled and stressed as only Jensen can while on vacation. Instead, he says, “Awesome. I'm leavin' now.”
Danneel doesn't suggest Jared come to the airport with her to get Jensen and Jared doesn't press the issue, just stands from her bed and pulls his tee shirt back over his head while she does the same. It's different now, being with her after so many months of only hearing her voice, and he's starting to worry that there's something she's not telling him.
Logic says that the three of them don't stand a chance of surviving this school year intact. It was easy before; they saw each other every day and had nothing else to do but be together. Now they're spread out all over the place – Jensen in Boston, Danneel in Austin, Jared in Berkley – facing new challenges and meeting new people. Common sense would dictate that this thing between them is going to fade away into nothing, if it hasn't already.
Jared isn't the logical one amongst them, though. He's the dreamer, the one who keeps believing even when the evidence points in another direction all together. He can't accept that they don't work anymore just because statistics say they shouldn't.
It occurs to him, while he's lying in bed waiting for his phone to ring, that Jensen is exactly the kind of person who would accept it. He's the left-brained thinker, as he always used to tell Jared. If he's pulling away, maybe it's because of that and not one of the hundred other reasons Jared's been worrying about lately.
That realization in mind, he grabs his keys from the dresser and charges down the stairs again. His mother is watching television and barely turns her head toward him when she says, “You've already been out once tonight, Jared.”
With a huff, he rests his hand on the doorknob and exhales a deep breath before he answers. “Ya know what I love most about Berkley, Mom?” When she doesn't answer, he goes on. “I love that nobody cares if I leave my room twenty times a night. People there understand that sometimes you gotta make a Wendy's run at midnight and they don't ask questions.”
It's the wrong thing to say and he knows it as soon as she turns to narrow her eyes at him. “You love it so much, go back to California. You wanna stay under my roof, you watch your tone. Understand?”
His eyes desperately want to roll but Jared just sighs and nods. “Yes, ma'am,” he answers, stepping away from the door and tucking his hands into his pockets. “Mom, do you care if I go over to Jensen's?”
Quirking her eyebrow, she pops another piece of popcorn into her mouth and says, “Only if you promise to bring me some eggnog on your way home.”
Jared drops a kiss on her cheek and bolts out the door before she can change her mind. He loves his mom, but he's kind of getting used to coming and going as he pleases. Stopping to ask if he can visit a friend is a nuisance. Of course, not having to do his laundry or eat Ramen and cafe food kind of makes up for it.
He's so giddy at the prospect of seeing Jensen again that he almost forgets that he was mad at him a few minutes ago. It's not until he eases his car to a stop next to the curb in front of Jensen's parents' house that all of his other emotions give way to nauseating nerves. It's been two weeks since he got a text from the guy, almost a month since he's talked to him. They haven't even been on Skype together in a long time. What if Jensen really is done with him and coming here is a terrible idea?
The house is dark and Danneel's car isn't in the driveway when Jared makes his way up the walk. Maybe they're not even home yet. He considers hanging out on the porch like an obsessed stalker and then changes his mind. Loping around the side of the house, hands deep in his pockets, Jared looks up at the side of the house and smiles at the sight of Jensen's bedside lamp burning from his window.
He looks around and finds a few larger pebbles, launching one and then another toward the glass. They fall back to the ground and he's still squinting against the faint moonlight to find them again when he hears a creak above him.
Jensen leans out the window, squinting, and Jared has to fight not to laugh. “Jared?” He disappears and, a few seconds later, the overhead light in his room comes on. When Jensen pops out of the window again, he's pushing his glasses onto his nose and shaking his head. “What the hell are you doing?”
With an easy shrug, Jared gives his best innocent grin even though he's pretty sure Jensen can barely see him in the shadows. “I missed you.”
For a brief second, Jensen beams like he used to every time Jared used to touch him. “You're an idiot,” he finally says, chuckling a little as he schools his face into a less ecstatic expression. “I'm comin' to the back,” he says, retreating into the house again.
Jared is waiting for him on the back porch when Jensen steps through the kitchen's sliding glass door. “Hey,” he greets, feeling awkward and unsure of what he's supposed to do with his hands. It's easy to forget how he used to be able to press Jensen up against a wall and kiss him for no reason when there's so much stupid tension between them now.
“You could have knocked on the front door,” Jensen tells him.
Jared can tell immediately that there is something different about him. He doesn't know what it is yet, but there is definitely something new about Jensen. “Thought your folks might be asleep.”
With a roll of his eyes, Jensen leans against the side of the house and rests his hand easily against his hip. “Dude, it's you. They love you,” he reminds.
Silence falls between them but before Jared can start to squirm, Jensen motions toward the gliding swing where they spent their final night together last summer. Danneel smooshed in between them and Jared held her thigh with one hand and the back of Jensen's neck with the other, trying not to cry while he convinced himself that it wasn't the end.
He's kind of doing the same thing now as they sit.
“So, what? Calling ahead was too pedestrian for ya?” Jensen asks, lips twitching in a teasing smile that throws Jared for another loop.
Jensen doesn't tease. His Jensen is a little socially awkward, hesitant and unsure of himself. That's when it hits Jared. This is what's different about Jensen. He's totally comfortable in his own skin.
It's weird and Jared isn't entirely sure how he feels about it.
“Hello?” Snapping his fingers in front of Jared's face, Jensen shakes his head when Jared blinks him back into focus. “Dude, what's going on with you?”
The question only serves to remind Jared of his anger from earlier. “You might know if you ever answered a text message,” he accuses, sounding harsh and bitter and not at all like someone who willingly drove to his boyfriend's house at midnight because he couldn't wait another day to see the guy.
Staring at his hands, Jensen swallows and nods, pushing the swing forward and back before he answers. “Would you believe I lost my phone?”
“I'd believe you're avoiding me so that you don't have to endure what you think is the inevitable break up speech,” he counters.
Jensen turns to stare at Jared's profile, blinking rapidly. “Is that what you think I'm doing?”
“Isn't it?” Jared asks, shifting in his seat until he's staring back. “I know you didn't lose your damn phone – I was at Danneel's when you texted her earlier.”
“Alright, I freaked,” Jensen admits, so quietly Jared has to lean forward just to hear him. “Every time I talk to you, you're so happy out there and I keep seeing all these awesome pictures of all these things you're doing on your Facebook and it's just. I don't know. Feels like the handwriting's on the wall.”
Jared leans back in the swing and runs his hands over his face. “You're an idiot,” he deduces and it actually makes him feel better just to say the words. Truth be told, it makes him feel better just to be talking to Jensen at all.
“I love you, too,” Jensen shoots back, sarcastic as only he has ever had the capacity to be.
Turning again, Jared closes the space between them and grabs the back of Jensen's neck, pulling him closer until their foreheads meet. “I do love you,” he says, voice dropping low with sincerity. “We made the right choices, all of us, and I'm not sorry for that. I like my life in California but that doesn't mean that I don't miss you guys all the damn time. I feel like, if I slow down for thirty seconds, I'm gonna think about how you're not there and my chest is gonna split open.”
The frames of Jensen's glasses bump against Jared's head when he nods. “Figured you'd be in love with some hippie surfer by now,” he whispers, his eyes drifting closed while relief washes over his relaxing features.
“Dude,” Jared laughs, his lips brushing Jensen's as he speaks. “I'm already in love with this sexy little volleyball player and this smokin' hot math nerd. I don't have room for hippie surfers or anybody else.”
Jensen doesn't respond, just slides a hand up the back of Jared's neck and presses his mouth to Jared's. It's slow and lazy, unhurried but firm and confident. His fingers tangle in Jared's hair as he slips his tongue between Jared's lips, moaning when Jared does the same.
God, he missed this. Of all the things he wishes he could take back to California with him, slow, lazy make out sessions with Jensen are at the top of the list. Even when he was an insecure kid, carrying more tension in his shoulders than most middle-aged men, Jared loved the way Jensen would always melt into him. Jensen used to think that being inexperienced meant that he wasn't very good at anything sexual but he could always move his body, do things with his hands and his tongue that rendered Jared completely stupid.
“Wait,” Jared stops short on a thought, his lips still pursed as he pulls away from Jensen and waits for Jensen's eyes to open. “What the hell happened to you in the last six weeks?”
Jensen's eyebrow shoots up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean the last time I saw you, you were a jittery, stressed-out mess. Your voice cracked during phone sex,” he reminds Jensen, who seems none too pleased about that reminder. “Where'd this uber-cool, collected guy come from?”
With a chuckle, Jensen leans back in his seat and runs a hand over the top of his head. “He's still in here sometimes. I just.” He shakes his head and smiles at Jared with this genuine, light-his-face-up smile that makes Jared's stomach flip. “I failed a pretty big test,” he admits, shaking his head.
Though it's probably not the point of the story, Jared hates that he didn't know that. The reasons don't even matter anymore; what matters is that they've drifted and Jared thinks it's about time for that to stop. “I'm sorry, Jensen,” he starts, hand falling from the back of Jensen's neck to the swell of his shoulder.
Jensen just shakes his head, though. “No, it's alright,” he says, nothing but honesty in his voice. “I mean, at the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me and I might have called my dad and told him that I was dropping out of school, but,” he stops and laughs again. “I woke up the next morning and, I don't know, man. I talked to my professor, found out there were ways to bring the grade up or whatever. Even if there hadn't been, though, I think it helped me realize I take shit way too seriously, ya know? Every little thing is not the end of the fucking world.”
While Jared could point out that he's been telling Jensen that for awhile now, it wouldn't change anything. Jensen had to figure it out on his own and, now that he has, all Jared can do is reap the benefits of his slightly more laid back boyfriend.
“Look at you,” Jared smiles, leaning in to kiss Jensen again, “Growing up and everything.”
Jensen rolls his eyes and stands, extending a hand to Jared. “You stayin'?”
He wants to but Jared knows that his mom will kill him if he doesn't come home with eggnog and sleep in his own bed, at least for this first night back in town. “I can't. But we should get together sometime this week, the three of us.”
Nodding, Jensen tucks a finger in Jared's waistband and pulls him forward until their chests are bumping. “Dinner tomorrow night?”
Stealing one more kiss, Jared runs his hands up and down Jensen's arms and then pulls away before he caves and follows Jensen up to his room. “I'll see ya tomorrow.”
All Jared knows is that he's supposed to show up at Danneel's at seven and that Jensen is taking care of everything. Out of the three of them, Jensen is the planner so they're usually better off letting him handle arrangements if they're going to do anything as a threesome.
He gets to Danneel's first and lets himself inside without knocking. Her parents are never around – Jared's still not entirely clear on what they do when they're not here – so they've always just let themselves in and out whenever around here.
Wandering around until he hears the television in the rec room, Jared jogs down the stairs and finds Danneel in her standard denim mini-skirt, sprawled across the couch with her hair cascading over the arm. She's watching some UFC fight and sucking on a lollipop, like the most perfect girl in the world.
Turning, she smiles at him around the red candy and pulls it out of her mouth with a pop. “Hey, you,” she greets without moving, holding an arm out until Jared moves toward her. “You look good,” she adds, spreading her thighs to accommodate him when he lies down on top of her, supporting his weight on his elbows at her sides.
“We're not goin' out tonight, are we?” he asks, smiling down at her as she sticks the lollipop back into her mouth and pushes his hair behind his ear. “Fuck,” he breathes, lowering his head to suck on her collarbone, the place that always makes her a little crazy.
Tossing the sucker onto the table, she stretches her arms over her head and writhes beneath Jared's weight, her foot dragging up the back of his calf when he licks at the hollow of her throat. She whimpers and arches toward him until Jared meets her eyes with a smirk.
“Tease,” she accuses, nose scrunched playfully.
He's got her hoodie unzipped by the time Jensen's footsteps sound on the stairs.
Jared looks up to find him standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. He's not fidgeting, like he used to, but he's staring pretty intently. “I brought food,” he says. “If you're hungry.”
Before Jared can make a cheesy crack about being hungry for them, his stomach growls and effectively shuts him up. “Alright, dinner first. Sex later.”
Jared actually pities the individual who thinks they can derail Jensen's master plans. He may be a little more laid back these days, but he's not a completely different person. This is evidenced by the fact that he gives them each a printed itinerary before they leave the house after dinner.
It's a little weird, to be honest. They hung out together, watched television or grabbed dinner after school before heading back to Jensen's or Danneel's to fuck around, but they never actually dated in high school. Well, they never officially called it dating anyway.
Jensen drives, Danneel sitting shotgun while Jared folds into the backseat. It's cramped, but forcing Danneel to sit in the back felt wrong. Besides, this way he can read over Jensen's list and quietly mock it without making Jensen feel bad. Everybody wins.
They're heading to Jensen's favorite coffee shop first – according to the itinerary, Jensen will be paying for Danneel's drink, Danneel will pay for Jared's, and Jared will pay for Jensen's. He wants to laugh because Jensen has planned everything, to the last finite detail, but it actually answers one of the questions he had about this date scenario, so he keeps his mouth shut.
After the coffee shop, they're going to head over to the Walk of Lights which, the itinerary states, boasts the state's largest reproduction of Santa's workshop created from LED lights. It sounds like this is going to be one wild night.
They're supposed to stop by the bakery, where Mrs. Webber always stays open until eleven during the holiday season to pass out her frosted butter cookies. Jared licks his lips when he sees that one. His mother, bless her, will never bake like Mrs. Webber.
He feels like he's been lulled into a false sense of security when he gets to the final item on the list. Smiling at the thought of frothy coffee and Holiday lights and cookies, it takes him a second to register that it does, indeed, say Take Danneel home. Jensen will then take Jared to his house so they can have actual sex like real boyfriends because Jensen's parents are out of town and left him a box of condoms to use while they're gone.
He almost chokes on his tongue and when he looks up, Danneel is smirking back over her shoulder and nodding. He feels like he's been set up. It's not a disappointing turn of events but it's certainly surprising. He and Jensen have never even talked about going any further. Well, not outside of phone sex, but that's just talk. That doesn't count, does it?
Jensen doesn't even mention the items on the list as he shuffles everyone out of the car in front of the coffee shop. He does slip a hand into the back pocket of Jared's baggy jeans and give his ass a playful squeeze but he does the same thing to Danneel, so Jared is pretty sure it doesn't have anything to do with the itinerary.
The rest of the night kind of passes in a blur. Danneel snuggles up to him at one point and tells him to stop freaking out. She assures him that Jensen isn't going to pressure him into anything he's not ready for and then she walks away before Jared can consider how fucking strange this whole night has turned out to be.
Jensen has never done this before. He's never been ready for it, never alluded to being ready for it. Obviously, he's talked to Danneel about it, though. They have decided that the time is now, whether Jared's up for it or not.
“Okay, so I'm think it's probably better if you bottom this time, if you don't mind, since I know more about fucking than getting fucked.” Stopping short, he turns at the bottom of the stairs and looks at Jared with a worried furrow in his brow. “You did read the itinerary, didn't you? I'm not just springing this one you with no warning?” He turns and starts up the stairs. “Anyway, so I've been doing some research and,” he trails off at the top, when he realizes Jared is still standing in the foyer, staring at the ground with his mouth hanging open.
Jared is aware that Jensen has stopped talking, but he doesn't know what he's supposed to say to fill in the blank silence. Aside from reading the words on a piece of paper, this is the first Jensen has even mentioned sex and Jared can't help feeling a little like maybe he's being punked or something.
“Jared?” Jensen is half-way back down the stairs. “Are you? Do you not wanna have sex tonight? With me, I mean? Cause we can go back to Danneel's or -”
“Shut up, Jensen,” Jared finally blurts, burying his hands in his hair. “Just. You're kinda throwin' me a curve and I didn't even know we were playin' ball.”
Jensen stammers on the stairs before he sinks to the step and rests his elbows on his knees. “I thought you'd wanna.” He stops short, blushes hard and dark, and then pushes back up to his feet. Jensen's never been good at sitting still when he's nervous. “Fuck, Danneel said this would work.”
It shouldn't bother him, Jensen and Danneel talking about him when he's not around. He's always kind of assumed that they did, just like he and Jensen talk about Danneel, like he and Danneel talk about Jensen. This is different.
“It's my ass you're talkin' about plowing. You ever think maybe you should talk to me about it?”
He doesn't mean to snap but this is big and Jensen's acting like it's another tick box on an itinerary he made, just another To Do: Jared's ass.
“Of course I thought about talking to you about it,” Jensen fires back, angry like Jared doesn’t see in him often. “And every time I thought about it, I hyperventilated and thought about you fucking a surfer.”
Jared should probably try to contain the laughter that barks from his throat, but he doesn't. It's so absurd, so utterly Jensen, that he can't really bring himself to stop. “Jensen, I'm fine with what we do,” he says, moving forward until he can lower himself to the step at Jensen's side. “When I told you I didn't care if we ever fucked like that, I meant it.”
“You said that when you were so hard, you could barely talk,” Jensen reminds him.
Okay, so maybe Jared would have said anything in that moment for Jensen to stop talking and get him off, but that doesn't mean that he was lying. “If you're so freaked out about it that you're hyperventilating, there are other ways.”
“I wasn't hyperventilating because I was scared of doing it. I wanna do it,” Jensen says, affronted that Jared would think such a thing, as though Jared has reason to think anything else. “I just didn't know how to tell you I was ready to do it.”
“Could've called me. Texted me. Sent me an e-mail. I'm sure there's a someecard for it.”
“You're not helping.” Jensen sighs and leans forward, catching his face in his hands. “This is pretty much all I've been able to think of for the last month. It went very differently in my head.”
Scooting up, Jared leans back on the step and rubs easily at the back of Jensen's neck, where his hair is longer than it was in high school, barely curling under Jared's fingers. He slides his other hand up Jensen's thigh and leans in, heat under his palms echoing the spread in his belly.
“How'd it go in your head?”
Jensen swallows hard, his breath short against Jared's cheek. “We were naked, for one,” he says, voice strained.
When Jared feels Jensen's smile against his skin, he knows that he's relaxing a little. “That's a good start,” he encourages, hand sliding higher against the inseam of Jensen's jeans until he can feel the swelling line of Jensen's dick beneath the heavy denim.
“Thought about rimming you,” Jensen says, causing Jared's hand to still.
“Jensen?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you know what that means?”
Jensen chuckles softly. “Yeah. I watched a video.” He turns his face enough to nudge his nose against Jared's jaw. “Thought maybe I could just pretend it wasn't an actual asshole in my face.”
Because it always makes Jensen blush so hard, Jared doesn't say it often. At the moment, he can't really hold it in. “I love you.”
With a sigh, Jensen's shoulders finally sag in relief. “Me, too,” he says, pulling back far enough to catch Jared's eye, his expression equal parts self-deprecating and affectionate. “Just want it to be good. Ya know, in case we wanna do it again some time.”
“How 'bout we just go up to your room and see what happens?” he suggests, barely audible against Jensen's ear.
They stumble, grope, and kiss their way to the bedroom, Jared stopping every few feet to push Jensen up against the wall and kiss him like he used to do at all those parties way back when.
Falling onto the bed, legs tangled together, hips rutting for friction, Jared rolls until Jensen is on top of him, cradled between his spread thighs. When Jensen grinds down, Jared bites off a laugh and catches his hip in one hand. “Gonna be over too soon if you don't stop.”
“Thought we were gonna see what happened,” Jensen murmurs against his neck, movement slowing while he breath catches, wet and ragged, against Jared's skin.
“Yeah, well what happened is I got hard” Jared grunts, grabbing the back of Jensen's neck and pulling him down for another kiss, the kind that makes him feel like nobody else has ever done it the right way. “Fuck, Jensen,” his voice hitches when Jensen bites down on the swell of his shoulder. “God, really want you to fuck me.”
Jensen smiles, one of those blinding ones that reminds Jared of exactly why he didn't hook up with anyone back in California. He sits and reaches for the bottle of lube and the condom box on his bedside table.
“Okay, so what's your preference? Do you wanna be on your back? Your stomach?” He refers to a piece of paper on the table. “Hands and knees is supposed to be good.”
Laughing because he really can't do anything else, Jared shakes his head against the pillow. “Jensen, just,” he stops and lunges forward to grab Jensen's shoulders. It's not the most graceful flip in the world, but when he has Jensen laid out under him, he smiles. “Stop talking, okay?” With an anxious nod, Jensen licks his lips and laughs nervously. “Unless it's dirty. Then feel free to say whatever you want.”
Neck flushing, Jensen shifts under Jared's weight and nods his head. “Yeah. I can do that.”
Jared trails his hand down Jensen's chest and tugs at the hem of his shirt. “Take this off,” he instructs, sitting up enough to rip his own over his head. “All of it,” he adds, popping the button on his jeans.
It's not often that Jared sees Jensen sprawled out, naked and stroking his own cock with lazy confidence. While he loves the view of Danneel under or over him, Jensen's smiling face appearing over her shoulder or at her side, and while he's a big fan of seeing the top of Jensen's head, or the plane of his chest when one of them is on their knees in front of the other, there's something pretty fantastic about this unencumbered view of everything.
Afraid Jensen will start thinking again if he spends too long staring, Jared positions himself between Jensen's thighs, smirking at the way they fall open in invitation.
“Relax,” he says, laughing when Jensen swats at the back of his hair and then leaves his hand on Jared's head.
Jensen just smiles and then runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “Relax me,” he counters, voice dropping lower.
If he closes his eyes, Jared can almost see his bed at school, feel himself curled up on his side with the phone pressed against his ear, Jensen whispering things that Jared never dreamed Jensen would have the balls to say. Dirty, filthy, scorching hot things that he'll never say now that they're face to face.
He doesn't close his eyes. This time, he doesn't need to because Jensen is right here, dick growing harder in Jared's fist until Jared lowers his head and swirls his tongue over the head.
Jensen leans against the headboard, fingers tightening in Jared's hair as he groans deep in his chest. His hip jerks when Jared seals his lips and starts to suck in earnest. He usually takes his time, drags it out until Jensen begs to come, but this isn't one of their usual times.
“Gotta,” Jensen gasps and fights against the hold of Jared's hands on his hips, tugging at his hair. “Jesus, Jared, stop.” He's panting, a wet, ragged, pleading sound.
Smirking, Jared pulls back and says, “Gimme a sec, okay?” He tosses a condom onto Jensen's stomach. “Put that on.”
When he's sure that Jensen is going to be able to stave off his own release, Jared reaches for the lube and drizzles it onto his fingers. “Fuck,” he hears Jensen whisper on a breath.
It's been awhile since he did this, at least a year since he stopped fooling around with random guys in favor of more fooling around with Jensen and Danneel. He figures it'll probably be a little awkward, but Jensen's not exactly a seasoned pro, either, so Jared tries not to worry about it much.
Pressing a finger against his hole, moaning when he works one and then two into himself, Jared opens his eyes to find Jensen staring at him, eyes wide in wonder. “Feels good,” he says, breathing deeply to center himself, to relax enough to stretch himself. “Gonna feel better.”
Jensen's eyes roam over Jared's chest and down over his thighs. “Thought about this,” he says, almost distracted when his eyes focus on Jared's rapidly-filling cock. “Watchin' you get yourself ready.” He smiles, eyes flicking back up to Jared's face. “I don't know if you knew this, but you're really fucking hot.”
“Not so bad yourself,” he winks, leering playfully until Jensen rolls his eyes. Crawling forward on his knees, Jared strokes slicked fingers over his cock and then takes Jensen's in his hand. Their chests are brushing when Jared leans forward and says, “Can't wait to feel you.”
“So don't,” is Jensen's response, rolling his hips against Jared's hand to get his point across. As though Jared could miss his point.
Grunting, growling, slowing, and stopping, Jared works himself down on Jensen's cock until he's pretty sure they're both going to die. It won't last long, he can tell from the way Jensen is biting his lip white and fighting for air.
Jared kisses Jensen's forehead and then his lips, open, tongue rolling into Jensen's mouth until their tongues are slip-sliding against each other and their whimpers are swallowed up and fed back. Jared moves his hips slowly, barely rising, Jensen's fingers digging into them so hard, Jared's afraid he might squeeze through the skin.
“How's it feel?” he asks against Jensen's mouth, the words muffled by a shaky breath when Jensen pushes forward and meets his downward thrust. “Fuck,” he laughs because it feels too damn good not to smile.
Jensen lets his head fall back, throat exposed. He runs one hand up Jared's back and tangles it in his hair, grip loose and comfortable. “Feels,” he stutters, falling into the slow rhythm Jared is setting, “feels good, Jay.” When Jared nips at his collarbone, Jensen laughs, too. “Really fucking good.”
Better than Danneel?
The question pops into his mind suddenly and Jared pushes it back down just as quickly. It isn't better, he knows from experience; it's just different. Their individual relationships are different from the one they share together and it's the same with the sex. Not better or worse, just different.
Jensen's eyes open, his gaze dropping between them when Jared starts to jerk himself off while riding Jensen harder.
“Oh god,” Jensen gasps, hand tugging harder at Jared's hair.
Jared is pretty sure that he'll remember the look on Jensen's face when he comes forever: head thrown back, eyes clenched shut, his skin pink and damp with a thin sheen of sweat. He alternates between Jared's name and fuck until his hands fall to the bed on either side of them, his breathing shallow but evening out.
It doesn't take more than the happy, sated, half punch-drunk look in Jensen's eyes when they open for Jared to come, too. Just a few hard, fast strokes of his hand and he's spilling against himself and Jensen's stomach.
A little while later, when they've both cleaned up and caught their breath, Jared rolls over and presses his forehead to Jensen's shoulder, his arm draped over his stomach. “So, what's the verdict?”
Jensen laughs, as free and easy as Jared thinks he should always be, and says, “I'll let you know when my brain works again.”
It's Christmas Eve. Jared's mom is doing her annual volunteer work at the shelter downtown. Danneel's parents are in the air somewhere between here and wherever they've been for the last two weeks. Jensen's parents are busily cleaning their house for the family dinner they'll host tomorrow.
Jared is on the bottom of a dog pile in the center of his bed, Danneel sprawled against his chest with Jensen propped up on her back. They're supposed to be watching movies and having their own gift exchange but they've yet to turn the television on or pass the first box. Being lazy together seemed like a better idea when they first showed up; still seems like the best idea now.
He runs his fingers through Danneel's hair and blinks at the ceiling. “So I'm thinkin',” he starts, feeling Jensen shift against his leg as he rolls over onto his stomach and rests his chin on Danneel's back. “Maybe you guys can fly out to California for Spring Break? I can teach Jensen how to surf.”
Danneel strokes a hand softly through Jensen's disheveled hair. “And I can mock you both,” she chimes in, lifting her head to give Jared a quick kiss.
Jensen just huffs and then pulls himself up onto his elbows before sitting up and crossing his legs at Jared's side. He worries his thumb between his teeth and smiles, a nervous tick that Jared has come to recognize as Jensen's brain working much harder and faster than it needs to be working.
“I was thinking you could plan it,” he offers, nudging Jensen with his knee. “Make sure flights are coordinated, research all the hot spots and tourist traps in Berkley, come up with a list of shit that's all educational and historic.”
Anyone else might take offense to Jared's offer, but Jensen's face lights up at the possibility. “Yeah?”
Danneel shifts, back pressed against Jared while her legs bracket Jensen's. “On one condition,” she interjects, leaning forward to peck a quick kiss against Jensen's lips. “That you leave enough wiggle room on the itinerary for veg time. I kinda wanna spend most of the week doin' this.” She flops back again, her head hitting Jared in the sternum hard enough to elicit an 'oomph.'
Eventually, Jensen settles back down, sandwiching Danneel between them when he slings an arm across her side to rest his palm on Jared's belly. He's talking a mile a minute about all of the things that they could do and places they could visit in the spring, enough that Jared thinks maybe he's already done some of the research for this trip.
Jared just hums when it's appropriate and enjoys the feeling of being back home. It felt weird when he got here but, he realizes now, that's because these two weren't here with him. When he left last summer, he wasn't sure that they would ever have this again. When he heads back to California in a couple of weeks, he knows he won't have to worry about that.
Pairing: Jensen/Jared/Danneel (but mostly Jensen/Jared in this one)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~7500
Summary: Jared is excited to come home for winter break, but college has changed his relationships with Jensen and Danneel.
Notes: For
transfixeddream, who said that all he wanted from me for Christmas was a sequel to my Jared/Jensen/Danneel HS AU, Change is the Only Constant, wherein everyone is home for their first winter break since leaving for college, and Jared and Jensen finally, well, I don't want to spoil it. Also, thanks to
dugindeep for the beta. You know how much I appreciate all of your help and input!Jared's battered Corolla eases to a stop in the driveway and he takes a second to look at the house through the bug-smeared windshield before he shoulders his way out of the car. Feet on the ground, he stretches his arms over his head and listens for the crack of his spine before he slams the door shut with his hip and allows himself a small smile. It's been months since he's managed to get back and it feels good to be in Texas again. Better than he thought it would feel, for sure.
It still twists in his stomach, this feeling that he doesn't really belong here anymore. It sucks because this is the only place Jared every really felt like he belonged, back before he left for college in August. He's lived in a lot of places, his mom moving around to keep his dad from finding them, but none of those places really felt like home. Not until he got here.
The weirdest part is that Jared has never cared about being like everyone else. He does what he can to stand out in a crowd, to buck convention, so it's hard to explain why there's a difference between blending in, fading into the background until he's wholly forgettable, and just blending, easily slotting into a place that was made just for him.
That's what he had with Jensen and Danneel. Before he left, he felt like they had carved out a special place just for him and it didn't matter that they'd known each other longer or loved each other like crazy, because they loved him, too. Danneel was always there to rub his back and comfort him when he was stressed, and Jensen, for all of his quirks and anxiety, let Jared in and listened when he talked. It didn't matter that he was the weird, skinny goth kid who was also on the Speech team and defied every convention ever. Not to them.
“Jared!” his mother cries from the doorway, interrupting his thoughts as she barrels out the front door and wraps her arms around his shoulders. “I made sugar cookies,” she announces when she pulls away.
Jared winces and can't help the incredulous expression on his face. “Why?”
“To welcome you home,” she says, smacking the back of his head as she leads him into the house.
In so many ways, it's exactly like it was when he left. The same pictures are framed on the mantle above the fireplace and the same artwork – stuff he painted in his last couple of years in high school – are still framed on the walls. The same patchwork quilt that his grandmother made before he was born still covers the back of the same Salvation Army couch his mom bought before they moved here from Iowa a year and a half ago.
Jared realizes, as he follows his mother into the kitchen and flops onto one of the bar stools, that it feels weird because he's changed, not because the house has. His mom is still a terrible baker – the cookies are burnt and rock hard when he tries to bite into them – and she still laughs about it with so much fervor that Jared is convinced she made them as a joke.
“Danneel's called twice this morning already,” she tells him, winking conspiratorially.
Swallowing the cookie lump in his throat, Jared asks, “Really?”
His mom nods. “Once when she got into town, around ten, and again just about twenty minutes ago. I think she missed you.”
Not for the first time, he wishes that he'd been able to tell her about Danneel and Jensen before he left for Berkley. He's entirely convinced that she wouldn't understand it but he thinks maybe he should have told her anyway. Jensen's parents used to have them over for dinner sometimes and would leave for weekend getaways just so Jared and Jensen and Danneel could have the place to themselves for awhile. They were so cool about the polyamorous relationship that their son was in, Jared was convinced it was impossible for his mom to react the same way. Still, it's not a good feeling, knowing that he's lying to her.
“Has Jensen called?” he asks anyway and if the question is suspicious in any way, she doesn't show it as she scrapes the cookies from the tray with a spatula.
“Nope,” she says, transferring the cookies to a Tupperware container. This means that she's planning on either sending these back to school with Jared in a couple of weeks or giving them to someone else. Neither option is very festive, in Jared's opinion. “But Danneel said that he was finishing some things up at school before he came home. You should call her. I'm sure she'll fill you in.”
With a nod, Jared pushes off the stool and announces that he's going to his room. It's been weeks since he last heard from Jensen, and Danneel isn't exactly offering any information. She always says that he can ask Jensen himself if he's so desperate to know what's going on but Jared never does. Jensen goes to MIT, for fuck's sake. He's a busy guy, too busy to be bothered by his high school boyfriend's need for reassurance.
He pushes the door to his room open and can't help smiling. Same room, same furniture, same décor and somehow it still manages to feel like it belongs to someone else. He's dropping to the old, second-hand mattress before he even realizes that he's dialing his cell phone.
“Are you finally home?” Danneel asks against his ear, her voice sugar-coated and warm, like Jared assumes his mom's cookies were supposed to be.
Chuckling, he flops back on his bed and stares at the band posters he taped to the ceiling last year. “Just got in,” he answers. “Mom said you'd called a couple times.”
“I've missed you. Sue me,” Danneel answers, a smile evident in her tone.
Silence falls between them even though there are about a thousand things that Jared wants to say to her, to hear her say back to him. Finally, he asks, “Does your room feel weird to you now?”
She hums softly. “Kinda feels like my junior high jersey,” is her answer. Jared just laughs and she goes on. “I still have it, ya know? Love it and everything. It just doesn't quite fit anymore.”
“Yes,” Jared nods, smiling because she's so dead on with her assessment of how he's feeling right now. “What're you doin' right now?”
His voice is low and hers is, too, when she chuckles in response. “Why? What are you doin'?”
It's not the first time a conversation between them has started like this but Jared feels weird talking dirty to his girlfriend in his mother's house. He's not sure why, being as he's had actual sex with both she and Jensen in this bed, but it feels weird now. “I was thinkin' about comin' over. You game?”
“Of course,” Danneel answers without hesitation. “I have to go pick Jensen up at the airport at seven but we can hang until then,” she tells him.
Jared wants to ask if he's invited to tag along on that outing, if he can be there when Jensen comes through the security gate, looking all disheveled and stressed as only Jensen can while on vacation. Instead, he says, “Awesome. I'm leavin' now.”
Danneel doesn't suggest Jared come to the airport with her to get Jensen and Jared doesn't press the issue, just stands from her bed and pulls his tee shirt back over his head while she does the same. It's different now, being with her after so many months of only hearing her voice, and he's starting to worry that there's something she's not telling him.
Logic says that the three of them don't stand a chance of surviving this school year intact. It was easy before; they saw each other every day and had nothing else to do but be together. Now they're spread out all over the place – Jensen in Boston, Danneel in Austin, Jared in Berkley – facing new challenges and meeting new people. Common sense would dictate that this thing between them is going to fade away into nothing, if it hasn't already.
Jared isn't the logical one amongst them, though. He's the dreamer, the one who keeps believing even when the evidence points in another direction all together. He can't accept that they don't work anymore just because statistics say they shouldn't.
It occurs to him, while he's lying in bed waiting for his phone to ring, that Jensen is exactly the kind of person who would accept it. He's the left-brained thinker, as he always used to tell Jared. If he's pulling away, maybe it's because of that and not one of the hundred other reasons Jared's been worrying about lately.
That realization in mind, he grabs his keys from the dresser and charges down the stairs again. His mother is watching television and barely turns her head toward him when she says, “You've already been out once tonight, Jared.”
With a huff, he rests his hand on the doorknob and exhales a deep breath before he answers. “Ya know what I love most about Berkley, Mom?” When she doesn't answer, he goes on. “I love that nobody cares if I leave my room twenty times a night. People there understand that sometimes you gotta make a Wendy's run at midnight and they don't ask questions.”
It's the wrong thing to say and he knows it as soon as she turns to narrow her eyes at him. “You love it so much, go back to California. You wanna stay under my roof, you watch your tone. Understand?”
His eyes desperately want to roll but Jared just sighs and nods. “Yes, ma'am,” he answers, stepping away from the door and tucking his hands into his pockets. “Mom, do you care if I go over to Jensen's?”
Quirking her eyebrow, she pops another piece of popcorn into her mouth and says, “Only if you promise to bring me some eggnog on your way home.”
Jared drops a kiss on her cheek and bolts out the door before she can change her mind. He loves his mom, but he's kind of getting used to coming and going as he pleases. Stopping to ask if he can visit a friend is a nuisance. Of course, not having to do his laundry or eat Ramen and cafe food kind of makes up for it.
He's so giddy at the prospect of seeing Jensen again that he almost forgets that he was mad at him a few minutes ago. It's not until he eases his car to a stop next to the curb in front of Jensen's parents' house that all of his other emotions give way to nauseating nerves. It's been two weeks since he got a text from the guy, almost a month since he's talked to him. They haven't even been on Skype together in a long time. What if Jensen really is done with him and coming here is a terrible idea?
The house is dark and Danneel's car isn't in the driveway when Jared makes his way up the walk. Maybe they're not even home yet. He considers hanging out on the porch like an obsessed stalker and then changes his mind. Loping around the side of the house, hands deep in his pockets, Jared looks up at the side of the house and smiles at the sight of Jensen's bedside lamp burning from his window.
He looks around and finds a few larger pebbles, launching one and then another toward the glass. They fall back to the ground and he's still squinting against the faint moonlight to find them again when he hears a creak above him.
Jensen leans out the window, squinting, and Jared has to fight not to laugh. “Jared?” He disappears and, a few seconds later, the overhead light in his room comes on. When Jensen pops out of the window again, he's pushing his glasses onto his nose and shaking his head. “What the hell are you doing?”
With an easy shrug, Jared gives his best innocent grin even though he's pretty sure Jensen can barely see him in the shadows. “I missed you.”
For a brief second, Jensen beams like he used to every time Jared used to touch him. “You're an idiot,” he finally says, chuckling a little as he schools his face into a less ecstatic expression. “I'm comin' to the back,” he says, retreating into the house again.
Jared is waiting for him on the back porch when Jensen steps through the kitchen's sliding glass door. “Hey,” he greets, feeling awkward and unsure of what he's supposed to do with his hands. It's easy to forget how he used to be able to press Jensen up against a wall and kiss him for no reason when there's so much stupid tension between them now.
“You could have knocked on the front door,” Jensen tells him.
Jared can tell immediately that there is something different about him. He doesn't know what it is yet, but there is definitely something new about Jensen. “Thought your folks might be asleep.”
With a roll of his eyes, Jensen leans against the side of the house and rests his hand easily against his hip. “Dude, it's you. They love you,” he reminds.
Silence falls between them but before Jared can start to squirm, Jensen motions toward the gliding swing where they spent their final night together last summer. Danneel smooshed in between them and Jared held her thigh with one hand and the back of Jensen's neck with the other, trying not to cry while he convinced himself that it wasn't the end.
He's kind of doing the same thing now as they sit.
“So, what? Calling ahead was too pedestrian for ya?” Jensen asks, lips twitching in a teasing smile that throws Jared for another loop.
Jensen doesn't tease. His Jensen is a little socially awkward, hesitant and unsure of himself. That's when it hits Jared. This is what's different about Jensen. He's totally comfortable in his own skin.
It's weird and Jared isn't entirely sure how he feels about it.
“Hello?” Snapping his fingers in front of Jared's face, Jensen shakes his head when Jared blinks him back into focus. “Dude, what's going on with you?”
The question only serves to remind Jared of his anger from earlier. “You might know if you ever answered a text message,” he accuses, sounding harsh and bitter and not at all like someone who willingly drove to his boyfriend's house at midnight because he couldn't wait another day to see the guy.
Staring at his hands, Jensen swallows and nods, pushing the swing forward and back before he answers. “Would you believe I lost my phone?”
“I'd believe you're avoiding me so that you don't have to endure what you think is the inevitable break up speech,” he counters.
Jensen turns to stare at Jared's profile, blinking rapidly. “Is that what you think I'm doing?”
“Isn't it?” Jared asks, shifting in his seat until he's staring back. “I know you didn't lose your damn phone – I was at Danneel's when you texted her earlier.”
“Alright, I freaked,” Jensen admits, so quietly Jared has to lean forward just to hear him. “Every time I talk to you, you're so happy out there and I keep seeing all these awesome pictures of all these things you're doing on your Facebook and it's just. I don't know. Feels like the handwriting's on the wall.”
Jared leans back in the swing and runs his hands over his face. “You're an idiot,” he deduces and it actually makes him feel better just to say the words. Truth be told, it makes him feel better just to be talking to Jensen at all.
“I love you, too,” Jensen shoots back, sarcastic as only he has ever had the capacity to be.
Turning again, Jared closes the space between them and grabs the back of Jensen's neck, pulling him closer until their foreheads meet. “I do love you,” he says, voice dropping low with sincerity. “We made the right choices, all of us, and I'm not sorry for that. I like my life in California but that doesn't mean that I don't miss you guys all the damn time. I feel like, if I slow down for thirty seconds, I'm gonna think about how you're not there and my chest is gonna split open.”
The frames of Jensen's glasses bump against Jared's head when he nods. “Figured you'd be in love with some hippie surfer by now,” he whispers, his eyes drifting closed while relief washes over his relaxing features.
“Dude,” Jared laughs, his lips brushing Jensen's as he speaks. “I'm already in love with this sexy little volleyball player and this smokin' hot math nerd. I don't have room for hippie surfers or anybody else.”
Jensen doesn't respond, just slides a hand up the back of Jared's neck and presses his mouth to Jared's. It's slow and lazy, unhurried but firm and confident. His fingers tangle in Jared's hair as he slips his tongue between Jared's lips, moaning when Jared does the same.
God, he missed this. Of all the things he wishes he could take back to California with him, slow, lazy make out sessions with Jensen are at the top of the list. Even when he was an insecure kid, carrying more tension in his shoulders than most middle-aged men, Jared loved the way Jensen would always melt into him. Jensen used to think that being inexperienced meant that he wasn't very good at anything sexual but he could always move his body, do things with his hands and his tongue that rendered Jared completely stupid.
“Wait,” Jared stops short on a thought, his lips still pursed as he pulls away from Jensen and waits for Jensen's eyes to open. “What the hell happened to you in the last six weeks?”
Jensen's eyebrow shoots up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean the last time I saw you, you were a jittery, stressed-out mess. Your voice cracked during phone sex,” he reminds Jensen, who seems none too pleased about that reminder. “Where'd this uber-cool, collected guy come from?”
With a chuckle, Jensen leans back in his seat and runs a hand over the top of his head. “He's still in here sometimes. I just.” He shakes his head and smiles at Jared with this genuine, light-his-face-up smile that makes Jared's stomach flip. “I failed a pretty big test,” he admits, shaking his head.
Though it's probably not the point of the story, Jared hates that he didn't know that. The reasons don't even matter anymore; what matters is that they've drifted and Jared thinks it's about time for that to stop. “I'm sorry, Jensen,” he starts, hand falling from the back of Jensen's neck to the swell of his shoulder.
Jensen just shakes his head, though. “No, it's alright,” he says, nothing but honesty in his voice. “I mean, at the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me and I might have called my dad and told him that I was dropping out of school, but,” he stops and laughs again. “I woke up the next morning and, I don't know, man. I talked to my professor, found out there were ways to bring the grade up or whatever. Even if there hadn't been, though, I think it helped me realize I take shit way too seriously, ya know? Every little thing is not the end of the fucking world.”
While Jared could point out that he's been telling Jensen that for awhile now, it wouldn't change anything. Jensen had to figure it out on his own and, now that he has, all Jared can do is reap the benefits of his slightly more laid back boyfriend.
“Look at you,” Jared smiles, leaning in to kiss Jensen again, “Growing up and everything.”
Jensen rolls his eyes and stands, extending a hand to Jared. “You stayin'?”
He wants to but Jared knows that his mom will kill him if he doesn't come home with eggnog and sleep in his own bed, at least for this first night back in town. “I can't. But we should get together sometime this week, the three of us.”
Nodding, Jensen tucks a finger in Jared's waistband and pulls him forward until their chests are bumping. “Dinner tomorrow night?”
Stealing one more kiss, Jared runs his hands up and down Jensen's arms and then pulls away before he caves and follows Jensen up to his room. “I'll see ya tomorrow.”
All Jared knows is that he's supposed to show up at Danneel's at seven and that Jensen is taking care of everything. Out of the three of them, Jensen is the planner so they're usually better off letting him handle arrangements if they're going to do anything as a threesome.
He gets to Danneel's first and lets himself inside without knocking. Her parents are never around – Jared's still not entirely clear on what they do when they're not here – so they've always just let themselves in and out whenever around here.
Wandering around until he hears the television in the rec room, Jared jogs down the stairs and finds Danneel in her standard denim mini-skirt, sprawled across the couch with her hair cascading over the arm. She's watching some UFC fight and sucking on a lollipop, like the most perfect girl in the world.
Turning, she smiles at him around the red candy and pulls it out of her mouth with a pop. “Hey, you,” she greets without moving, holding an arm out until Jared moves toward her. “You look good,” she adds, spreading her thighs to accommodate him when he lies down on top of her, supporting his weight on his elbows at her sides.
“We're not goin' out tonight, are we?” he asks, smiling down at her as she sticks the lollipop back into her mouth and pushes his hair behind his ear. “Fuck,” he breathes, lowering his head to suck on her collarbone, the place that always makes her a little crazy.
Tossing the sucker onto the table, she stretches her arms over her head and writhes beneath Jared's weight, her foot dragging up the back of his calf when he licks at the hollow of her throat. She whimpers and arches toward him until Jared meets her eyes with a smirk.
“Tease,” she accuses, nose scrunched playfully.
He's got her hoodie unzipped by the time Jensen's footsteps sound on the stairs.
Jared looks up to find him standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. He's not fidgeting, like he used to, but he's staring pretty intently. “I brought food,” he says. “If you're hungry.”
Before Jared can make a cheesy crack about being hungry for them, his stomach growls and effectively shuts him up. “Alright, dinner first. Sex later.”
Jared actually pities the individual who thinks they can derail Jensen's master plans. He may be a little more laid back these days, but he's not a completely different person. This is evidenced by the fact that he gives them each a printed itinerary before they leave the house after dinner.
It's a little weird, to be honest. They hung out together, watched television or grabbed dinner after school before heading back to Jensen's or Danneel's to fuck around, but they never actually dated in high school. Well, they never officially called it dating anyway.
Jensen drives, Danneel sitting shotgun while Jared folds into the backseat. It's cramped, but forcing Danneel to sit in the back felt wrong. Besides, this way he can read over Jensen's list and quietly mock it without making Jensen feel bad. Everybody wins.
They're heading to Jensen's favorite coffee shop first – according to the itinerary, Jensen will be paying for Danneel's drink, Danneel will pay for Jared's, and Jared will pay for Jensen's. He wants to laugh because Jensen has planned everything, to the last finite detail, but it actually answers one of the questions he had about this date scenario, so he keeps his mouth shut.
After the coffee shop, they're going to head over to the Walk of Lights which, the itinerary states, boasts the state's largest reproduction of Santa's workshop created from LED lights. It sounds like this is going to be one wild night.
They're supposed to stop by the bakery, where Mrs. Webber always stays open until eleven during the holiday season to pass out her frosted butter cookies. Jared licks his lips when he sees that one. His mother, bless her, will never bake like Mrs. Webber.
He feels like he's been lulled into a false sense of security when he gets to the final item on the list. Smiling at the thought of frothy coffee and Holiday lights and cookies, it takes him a second to register that it does, indeed, say Take Danneel home. Jensen will then take Jared to his house so they can have actual sex like real boyfriends because Jensen's parents are out of town and left him a box of condoms to use while they're gone.
He almost chokes on his tongue and when he looks up, Danneel is smirking back over her shoulder and nodding. He feels like he's been set up. It's not a disappointing turn of events but it's certainly surprising. He and Jensen have never even talked about going any further. Well, not outside of phone sex, but that's just talk. That doesn't count, does it?
Jensen doesn't even mention the items on the list as he shuffles everyone out of the car in front of the coffee shop. He does slip a hand into the back pocket of Jared's baggy jeans and give his ass a playful squeeze but he does the same thing to Danneel, so Jared is pretty sure it doesn't have anything to do with the itinerary.
The rest of the night kind of passes in a blur. Danneel snuggles up to him at one point and tells him to stop freaking out. She assures him that Jensen isn't going to pressure him into anything he's not ready for and then she walks away before Jared can consider how fucking strange this whole night has turned out to be.
Jensen has never done this before. He's never been ready for it, never alluded to being ready for it. Obviously, he's talked to Danneel about it, though. They have decided that the time is now, whether Jared's up for it or not.
“Okay, so I'm think it's probably better if you bottom this time, if you don't mind, since I know more about fucking than getting fucked.” Stopping short, he turns at the bottom of the stairs and looks at Jared with a worried furrow in his brow. “You did read the itinerary, didn't you? I'm not just springing this one you with no warning?” He turns and starts up the stairs. “Anyway, so I've been doing some research and,” he trails off at the top, when he realizes Jared is still standing in the foyer, staring at the ground with his mouth hanging open.
Jared is aware that Jensen has stopped talking, but he doesn't know what he's supposed to say to fill in the blank silence. Aside from reading the words on a piece of paper, this is the first Jensen has even mentioned sex and Jared can't help feeling a little like maybe he's being punked or something.
“Jared?” Jensen is half-way back down the stairs. “Are you? Do you not wanna have sex tonight? With me, I mean? Cause we can go back to Danneel's or -”
“Shut up, Jensen,” Jared finally blurts, burying his hands in his hair. “Just. You're kinda throwin' me a curve and I didn't even know we were playin' ball.”
Jensen stammers on the stairs before he sinks to the step and rests his elbows on his knees. “I thought you'd wanna.” He stops short, blushes hard and dark, and then pushes back up to his feet. Jensen's never been good at sitting still when he's nervous. “Fuck, Danneel said this would work.”
It shouldn't bother him, Jensen and Danneel talking about him when he's not around. He's always kind of assumed that they did, just like he and Jensen talk about Danneel, like he and Danneel talk about Jensen. This is different.
“It's my ass you're talkin' about plowing. You ever think maybe you should talk to me about it?”
He doesn't mean to snap but this is big and Jensen's acting like it's another tick box on an itinerary he made, just another To Do: Jared's ass.
“Of course I thought about talking to you about it,” Jensen fires back, angry like Jared doesn’t see in him often. “And every time I thought about it, I hyperventilated and thought about you fucking a surfer.”
Jared should probably try to contain the laughter that barks from his throat, but he doesn't. It's so absurd, so utterly Jensen, that he can't really bring himself to stop. “Jensen, I'm fine with what we do,” he says, moving forward until he can lower himself to the step at Jensen's side. “When I told you I didn't care if we ever fucked like that, I meant it.”
“You said that when you were so hard, you could barely talk,” Jensen reminds him.
Okay, so maybe Jared would have said anything in that moment for Jensen to stop talking and get him off, but that doesn't mean that he was lying. “If you're so freaked out about it that you're hyperventilating, there are other ways.”
“I wasn't hyperventilating because I was scared of doing it. I wanna do it,” Jensen says, affronted that Jared would think such a thing, as though Jared has reason to think anything else. “I just didn't know how to tell you I was ready to do it.”
“Could've called me. Texted me. Sent me an e-mail. I'm sure there's a someecard for it.”
“You're not helping.” Jensen sighs and leans forward, catching his face in his hands. “This is pretty much all I've been able to think of for the last month. It went very differently in my head.”
Scooting up, Jared leans back on the step and rubs easily at the back of Jensen's neck, where his hair is longer than it was in high school, barely curling under Jared's fingers. He slides his other hand up Jensen's thigh and leans in, heat under his palms echoing the spread in his belly.
“How'd it go in your head?”
Jensen swallows hard, his breath short against Jared's cheek. “We were naked, for one,” he says, voice strained.
When Jared feels Jensen's smile against his skin, he knows that he's relaxing a little. “That's a good start,” he encourages, hand sliding higher against the inseam of Jensen's jeans until he can feel the swelling line of Jensen's dick beneath the heavy denim.
“Thought about rimming you,” Jensen says, causing Jared's hand to still.
“Jensen?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you know what that means?”
Jensen chuckles softly. “Yeah. I watched a video.” He turns his face enough to nudge his nose against Jared's jaw. “Thought maybe I could just pretend it wasn't an actual asshole in my face.”
Because it always makes Jensen blush so hard, Jared doesn't say it often. At the moment, he can't really hold it in. “I love you.”
With a sigh, Jensen's shoulders finally sag in relief. “Me, too,” he says, pulling back far enough to catch Jared's eye, his expression equal parts self-deprecating and affectionate. “Just want it to be good. Ya know, in case we wanna do it again some time.”
“How 'bout we just go up to your room and see what happens?” he suggests, barely audible against Jensen's ear.
They stumble, grope, and kiss their way to the bedroom, Jared stopping every few feet to push Jensen up against the wall and kiss him like he used to do at all those parties way back when.
Falling onto the bed, legs tangled together, hips rutting for friction, Jared rolls until Jensen is on top of him, cradled between his spread thighs. When Jensen grinds down, Jared bites off a laugh and catches his hip in one hand. “Gonna be over too soon if you don't stop.”
“Thought we were gonna see what happened,” Jensen murmurs against his neck, movement slowing while he breath catches, wet and ragged, against Jared's skin.
“Yeah, well what happened is I got hard” Jared grunts, grabbing the back of Jensen's neck and pulling him down for another kiss, the kind that makes him feel like nobody else has ever done it the right way. “Fuck, Jensen,” his voice hitches when Jensen bites down on the swell of his shoulder. “God, really want you to fuck me.”
Jensen smiles, one of those blinding ones that reminds Jared of exactly why he didn't hook up with anyone back in California. He sits and reaches for the bottle of lube and the condom box on his bedside table.
“Okay, so what's your preference? Do you wanna be on your back? Your stomach?” He refers to a piece of paper on the table. “Hands and knees is supposed to be good.”
Laughing because he really can't do anything else, Jared shakes his head against the pillow. “Jensen, just,” he stops and lunges forward to grab Jensen's shoulders. It's not the most graceful flip in the world, but when he has Jensen laid out under him, he smiles. “Stop talking, okay?” With an anxious nod, Jensen licks his lips and laughs nervously. “Unless it's dirty. Then feel free to say whatever you want.”
Neck flushing, Jensen shifts under Jared's weight and nods his head. “Yeah. I can do that.”
Jared trails his hand down Jensen's chest and tugs at the hem of his shirt. “Take this off,” he instructs, sitting up enough to rip his own over his head. “All of it,” he adds, popping the button on his jeans.
It's not often that Jared sees Jensen sprawled out, naked and stroking his own cock with lazy confidence. While he loves the view of Danneel under or over him, Jensen's smiling face appearing over her shoulder or at her side, and while he's a big fan of seeing the top of Jensen's head, or the plane of his chest when one of them is on their knees in front of the other, there's something pretty fantastic about this unencumbered view of everything.
Afraid Jensen will start thinking again if he spends too long staring, Jared positions himself between Jensen's thighs, smirking at the way they fall open in invitation.
“Relax,” he says, laughing when Jensen swats at the back of his hair and then leaves his hand on Jared's head.
Jensen just smiles and then runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “Relax me,” he counters, voice dropping lower.
If he closes his eyes, Jared can almost see his bed at school, feel himself curled up on his side with the phone pressed against his ear, Jensen whispering things that Jared never dreamed Jensen would have the balls to say. Dirty, filthy, scorching hot things that he'll never say now that they're face to face.
He doesn't close his eyes. This time, he doesn't need to because Jensen is right here, dick growing harder in Jared's fist until Jared lowers his head and swirls his tongue over the head.
Jensen leans against the headboard, fingers tightening in Jared's hair as he groans deep in his chest. His hip jerks when Jared seals his lips and starts to suck in earnest. He usually takes his time, drags it out until Jensen begs to come, but this isn't one of their usual times.
“Gotta,” Jensen gasps and fights against the hold of Jared's hands on his hips, tugging at his hair. “Jesus, Jared, stop.” He's panting, a wet, ragged, pleading sound.
Smirking, Jared pulls back and says, “Gimme a sec, okay?” He tosses a condom onto Jensen's stomach. “Put that on.”
When he's sure that Jensen is going to be able to stave off his own release, Jared reaches for the lube and drizzles it onto his fingers. “Fuck,” he hears Jensen whisper on a breath.
It's been awhile since he did this, at least a year since he stopped fooling around with random guys in favor of more fooling around with Jensen and Danneel. He figures it'll probably be a little awkward, but Jensen's not exactly a seasoned pro, either, so Jared tries not to worry about it much.
Pressing a finger against his hole, moaning when he works one and then two into himself, Jared opens his eyes to find Jensen staring at him, eyes wide in wonder. “Feels good,” he says, breathing deeply to center himself, to relax enough to stretch himself. “Gonna feel better.”
Jensen's eyes roam over Jared's chest and down over his thighs. “Thought about this,” he says, almost distracted when his eyes focus on Jared's rapidly-filling cock. “Watchin' you get yourself ready.” He smiles, eyes flicking back up to Jared's face. “I don't know if you knew this, but you're really fucking hot.”
“Not so bad yourself,” he winks, leering playfully until Jensen rolls his eyes. Crawling forward on his knees, Jared strokes slicked fingers over his cock and then takes Jensen's in his hand. Their chests are brushing when Jared leans forward and says, “Can't wait to feel you.”
“So don't,” is Jensen's response, rolling his hips against Jared's hand to get his point across. As though Jared could miss his point.
Grunting, growling, slowing, and stopping, Jared works himself down on Jensen's cock until he's pretty sure they're both going to die. It won't last long, he can tell from the way Jensen is biting his lip white and fighting for air.
Jared kisses Jensen's forehead and then his lips, open, tongue rolling into Jensen's mouth until their tongues are slip-sliding against each other and their whimpers are swallowed up and fed back. Jared moves his hips slowly, barely rising, Jensen's fingers digging into them so hard, Jared's afraid he might squeeze through the skin.
“How's it feel?” he asks against Jensen's mouth, the words muffled by a shaky breath when Jensen pushes forward and meets his downward thrust. “Fuck,” he laughs because it feels too damn good not to smile.
Jensen lets his head fall back, throat exposed. He runs one hand up Jared's back and tangles it in his hair, grip loose and comfortable. “Feels,” he stutters, falling into the slow rhythm Jared is setting, “feels good, Jay.” When Jared nips at his collarbone, Jensen laughs, too. “Really fucking good.”
Better than Danneel?
The question pops into his mind suddenly and Jared pushes it back down just as quickly. It isn't better, he knows from experience; it's just different. Their individual relationships are different from the one they share together and it's the same with the sex. Not better or worse, just different.
Jensen's eyes open, his gaze dropping between them when Jared starts to jerk himself off while riding Jensen harder.
“Oh god,” Jensen gasps, hand tugging harder at Jared's hair.
Jared is pretty sure that he'll remember the look on Jensen's face when he comes forever: head thrown back, eyes clenched shut, his skin pink and damp with a thin sheen of sweat. He alternates between Jared's name and fuck until his hands fall to the bed on either side of them, his breathing shallow but evening out.
It doesn't take more than the happy, sated, half punch-drunk look in Jensen's eyes when they open for Jared to come, too. Just a few hard, fast strokes of his hand and he's spilling against himself and Jensen's stomach.
A little while later, when they've both cleaned up and caught their breath, Jared rolls over and presses his forehead to Jensen's shoulder, his arm draped over his stomach. “So, what's the verdict?”
Jensen laughs, as free and easy as Jared thinks he should always be, and says, “I'll let you know when my brain works again.”
It's Christmas Eve. Jared's mom is doing her annual volunteer work at the shelter downtown. Danneel's parents are in the air somewhere between here and wherever they've been for the last two weeks. Jensen's parents are busily cleaning their house for the family dinner they'll host tomorrow.
Jared is on the bottom of a dog pile in the center of his bed, Danneel sprawled against his chest with Jensen propped up on her back. They're supposed to be watching movies and having their own gift exchange but they've yet to turn the television on or pass the first box. Being lazy together seemed like a better idea when they first showed up; still seems like the best idea now.
He runs his fingers through Danneel's hair and blinks at the ceiling. “So I'm thinkin',” he starts, feeling Jensen shift against his leg as he rolls over onto his stomach and rests his chin on Danneel's back. “Maybe you guys can fly out to California for Spring Break? I can teach Jensen how to surf.”
Danneel strokes a hand softly through Jensen's disheveled hair. “And I can mock you both,” she chimes in, lifting her head to give Jared a quick kiss.
Jensen just huffs and then pulls himself up onto his elbows before sitting up and crossing his legs at Jared's side. He worries his thumb between his teeth and smiles, a nervous tick that Jared has come to recognize as Jensen's brain working much harder and faster than it needs to be working.
“I was thinking you could plan it,” he offers, nudging Jensen with his knee. “Make sure flights are coordinated, research all the hot spots and tourist traps in Berkley, come up with a list of shit that's all educational and historic.”
Anyone else might take offense to Jared's offer, but Jensen's face lights up at the possibility. “Yeah?”
Danneel shifts, back pressed against Jared while her legs bracket Jensen's. “On one condition,” she interjects, leaning forward to peck a quick kiss against Jensen's lips. “That you leave enough wiggle room on the itinerary for veg time. I kinda wanna spend most of the week doin' this.” She flops back again, her head hitting Jared in the sternum hard enough to elicit an 'oomph.'
Eventually, Jensen settles back down, sandwiching Danneel between them when he slings an arm across her side to rest his palm on Jared's belly. He's talking a mile a minute about all of the things that they could do and places they could visit in the spring, enough that Jared thinks maybe he's already done some of the research for this trip.
Jared just hums when it's appropriate and enjoys the feeling of being back home. It felt weird when he got here but, he realizes now, that's because these two weren't here with him. When he left last summer, he wasn't sure that they would ever have this again. When he heads back to California in a couple of weeks, he knows he won't have to worry about that.
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Thank you!
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First off, I love that with this one we get into Jared's head more and find out stuff about him. I also LOVE that Jensen's changed while in college but he's still the dork who embarrasses easy and gets boners for organization; I also love that Jared's the one who brings the shy guy out. And Danneel, despite having a smaller part, was awesome in helping Jensen plan things! Also! I love that Jared's got concerns this time, instead of just Jensen, because a little angst makes the schmoop all the better.
And then, the sex! Gah, KEYSMASH at how dorky Jensen manages to be, and well, you know about the asshole line. STILL KILLS ME! Mostly, I just love how the sex worked out, and the LOOOOOVE during it. Also, the images that you painted there, well, they're... somethin', to say the least.
Holy shit this got long! ANYWAY, tl;dr - thank youuu!!! This was awesome, you are awesome, I loved this and I love YOU! <333333
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I know Danneel wasn't in this one as much, but I felt like this time should be just theirs. I'm so crazy about this awkward, obsessive Jensen so I'm glad you asked for this one because they are all so much fun to write.
YOU are awesome and I ♥ you!
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Thanks so much for sharing, seriously! Am all squirmy here.
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And happy holidays to you, too!
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That was the perfect blend of sweet and hot. I adore the newly improved Jensen so much. ♥
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I kind of love the new Jensen, too. Just imagine how smooth he'll be in a few more years! (Though sex with Jared and Danneel will probably still eff him all up!!!)
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Hot and sexy and slightly angsty with some schmoop thrown in!
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Again with the sweet and the smile inducing, spot on dialogue..
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