raeschae | Since When Is Love a Four-Letter Word? (Rated PG-13, 1/1)

Title: Since When Is Love a Four-Letter Word?
Author:

raeschae
Beta: Unbeta'd this time.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen (mention of past Jensen/Danneel)
Word Count: 1500ish

Summary: Jared doesn't necessarily subscribe to Jensen's theory that love does not exist.

A/N: Recent conversations, and two and a half seasons of Queer as Folk, have left me with a lot to say on the topic of the existence of love. This is kind of how it all tumbled out of my brain.

“This is fuckin' bull shit!”

Jared looked up from his place at the kitchen counter and rolled his eyes at the drama queen sitting on the couch. “What's wrong with that one, Princess?” he asked, knowing smirk firmly in place.

With a grimace, Jensen stood from the couch and rounded the over-sized arm chair to approach his roommate. “Third fuckin' romantic comedy in a row. I told him I didn't wanna do a motherfuckin' romantic comedy, but he can't seem to get it through his fat motherfucking head.” He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drained half of it in one fell swoop.

If the outburst had been unusual, Jared might have stopped chopping vegetables and turned his full attention to the man seated across the island. As it was, though, Jensen had been bitching about going against type, and lovey-dovey chick-flick bull shit for the better part of two weeks. It wasn't like he wouldn't get a chance to pay attention tomorrow, when the same argument came up again.

“Aren't you the one who said you didn't wanna get sucked into another genre project as soon as the show ends?” Jared pointed out, scooping his pile of mushrooms onto the edge of his knife before depositing them into the sizzling pan on the stove.

With Supernatural nearing its climax, both actors were looking for the next item on their respective agendas. Jared was going to take some time to rest before committing himself to one of the films Michael Bay was hounding him to take. Jensen wasn't sure what he was going to do.

Whatever he chose, it apparently wouldn't be a motherfucking romantic comedy.

“I didn't realize that gooey-assed crap about love and red roses was the only option outside of genre,” Jensen sneered, leaning forward on his elbows as he sucked back another long pull of his water.

“Man, I know you're fucked up about the thing with Danneel or whatever,” he started, only to be flipped off. It was okay – he'd been punched in the face already for bringing the relationship up unsolicited. He could handle a little middle finger action, no problem. “But what is your issue with the rom com? I mean, it's not like you haven't gotten offers to do them before.”

Tossing the script onto the counter, Jensen reached for the ashtray on the counter. “That was before I realized that love is a steaming pile of horse shit. I don't believe in it, and I'm not going to spend three months making a fucking movie about it.”

Before he could light the cigarette between his lips, Jared grabbed the matchbook from Jensen's hand and held them out to his side. “On the patio, dickhead,” he reminded. It wasn't like it hadn't been the rule since the day Jensen moved in. Why he suddenly couldn't remember it was beyond Jared.

Once his vegetables were simmering, Jared covered the pan and headed out back, two beers in his hands. Vancouver springs were not what anyone would call warm, but they were better than Vancouver Winters. Pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands, Jared leaned back in the deck chair and stretched his legs out in front of him.

“I think you're full of shit,” he said after lingering minutes of uninterrupted silence.

Jensen turned. “What?”

“The whole 'I don't believe in love' thing. It's complete bull shit.”

“Oh, whatever,” Jensen rolled his eyes and pointed his smoldering cigarette in Jared's direction. “Coming from you, that's really fuckin' laughable.”

“The fuck's that supposed to mean?” Jared asked, lifting his head from the chair to look at his friend.

Jensen rolled his eyes and sucked back another drag. “Jay, you fuck around more than any person I've ever met. You're not exactly the poster child for monogamous, long-term love.”

“So just because I'm not engaged or married, I must not believe that love exists?” It wasn't the first time Jared had found himself in an argument like this one. “'Illusive' and 'non-existent' aren't the same thing,” he pointed out, drawing yet another eye roll from his friend. “Look, Jen,” he tried yet another avenue, “Just because you've never seen 'Nessie doesn't mean he doesn't exist, right?”

As though he couldn't contain it, Jensen's laughter ripped from his throat, nearly causing him to spit his beer across the patio. “That is, bar none, the worst fucking analogy I've ever heard.” Shaking his head, as though trying to clear the confusion, he said, “Name one couple that you know personally that has been together for more than ten years, and is still happy.”

Jared didn't hesitate. “My parents. Your parents,” Jared started, only to have Jensen throw up a hand and shake his head again. “What? You're gonna tell me that you don't think your parents are in love with each other?”

“My parents are committed to each other. There's a difference.”

“Oh my god,” Jared sighed, sinking back into his chair. “You're so . . . I don't even know where to start in dissecting your bull shit at this point. Jesus!” Collecting himself, he retorted, “If they didn't fucking love each other, why would they commit to be together for the last forty years, asshole?”

If Jensen was anything, he was stubborn. And even though Jared knew that he'd made a valid point, and that Jensen knew he was backed into a corner, there was no way in hell that Jared actually believed he was going to concede. For all of the things he did really fucking well? Admitting defeat was not one of his strong suits.

In lieu of speaking, Jensen just finished his cigarette and drained half of his beer in one pull. The expression on his face was pained, and Jared wanted to ask what was wrong or if he wanted to talk about it. He knew the answer already, though.

So instead, he took another drink and crossed his ankles. “Maybe you should hold off on picking another project until the gaping hole in your heart isn't bleeding quite so freely anymore.” When Jensen opened his mouth to fire back his defense, Jared held up his hand. “Dude, you can deny it all you want, but the only people who claim not to believe in love - which isn't really a belief system in the first place, by the way - are the ones who have been burned by it, either deeply or frequently. Give it time, and you'll be lapping up the chance to make kissy faces with Sandra Bullock, or whoever the fuck is queen of the chick flick at the moment.”

If Jared was looking to press buttons, he picked the right ones.

Bolting forward, Jensen swung his leg over the side of his lounger and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “You think so, huh?” Jared just shrugged. “Then tell me, oh wise one, if you're so down with love . . . how do you expect to find it if you're fuckin' everything that moves, male or female, on a semi-nightly basis?” He laughed as though Jared's entire argument was some kind of hilarious joke. “You expect to magically dip your dick and turn on a light switch?”

“No,” Jared said, breathing deeply. “I don't think that I'm going to find myself balls deep in love with some random one night stand,” he corrected. “But I do think that it's going to happen unexpectedly some day. That I'm going to look over and realize that I've been putting up with the same person's bull shit for longer than a couple of weeks, and that I'm not tired of it yet. That I'm going to ache all over from a hard day of shooting, and come home to eyes that just knock my fucking breath out of my chest. Even after more than a couple of months.

“That one day, I'm going to wake up in the morning and realize that the sound of someone making coffee in my kitchen is more comforting than disconcerting. And that I miss that person when he's not around.” Stopping, Jared rolled his head to the side and stared long and hard into Jensen's eyes, breath catching in his throat. “And I, uh,” he stopped and ran his tongue over his bottom lip, “I think he's gonna realize it, too. Eventually.”

With that, Jared stood and turned for the sliding glass door to the kitchen. Jensen's voice stopped him. “You think it's gonna be a guy?”

Jared just nodded, and didn't bother to turn and look at the impression his words might have made. “I know it is,” he said without an ounce of doubt in his voice.

Pulling the lid from his vegetables, Jared stirred in a few spices and caught his bottom lip between his teeth. Jensen was nowhere near ready to process, or even catch the drift of, Jared's vague declaration. That was okay, though. Because he'd been tumbling headfirst into love with Jensen for the better part of four years already.

It wasn't like he couldn't wait a little longer.