![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raeschaeTitle: Scars (A Creative Control OneShot)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
raeschae
Pairing: J2
Rating: R
Word Count: 2900ish
Summary: Jensen's past comes back to bite Jared in the ass.
A Creative Control time stamp.
Thanks: Tobillysgirl5 for the beta!
A/N: I know it's been awhile since I posted one of these - hope it was worth the wait!
It has been said, usually by Jensen but occasionally by others, that Jared is a control freak. He knows it, accepts it, and credits it for making him the director that he is. Or, the director he will be, when pre-production on his own film starts Monday. The funding, script, cast, and crew are all in place and, in three days, the dream he's been cultivating since he was fifteen will become a reality.
If he can just get through tonight.
He's hosting a small get-together at his place for the cast and crew that could make it, hoping to build a little camaraderie before they start filming next week. Drinks and appetizers. Nothing fancy. Just his way of saying 'thanks for your help' and 'here's to a great six week shoot.'
Everyone seems to be having a good time and getting along, so that part is a relief. They haven't run out of food, and nobody is so drunk he's going to have to worry about finding them on his lawn in the morning. All in all, it's going well.
Except for the fact that Jensen has spent the better part of the night smoking on the deck instead of mingling. Granted, he's not a part of the crew for this film, refused the job flat out on the grounds that working for the guy you're fucking is just asking for trouble, but he knows a lot of these people. Hell, he's worked with more of them in the past than Jared has. And Jensen's not normally shy around people he doesn't know, let alone the people he does.
Maybe Jared's just been too busy lately. Maybe he didn't want to think about it. But when he glances up from his conversation with Kylie in wardrobe, to find Jensen leaning over to light a cigarette for the film's star, it punches him in the stomach. Hard.
The smile. The body language. The distinct lack of personal space. He doesn't know when, but there's not a doubt in his mind that Wes fucked Jensen at some point. And that realization sends his mind reeling backward through the rest of the night:
His first AD, Ian, hugged Jensen when he arrived and told him that it was good to see him again. Shawn, the sound mixer, said it had been awhile and they should get together again for drinks some time. He should have fucking known then, because Jensen never did “just drinks” with anybody before Jared came along.
And if that's not bad enough, he nearly vomits when he thinks about the way Dennis, the burly hulk of a Key Grip, slapped Jensen on the back in the kitchen and laughed about something Jared couldn't hear from his place in the living room earlier. At the time, he figured they just shared some inside joke from some set they both worked. Now, he's pretty sure the punch line of that joke was Jensen getting his ass reamed a little harder than he probably wanted it.
He's a control freak. Possessive and jealous. They're probably not his best character traits, but Jared can't help the rage that builds in his gut when he thinks about the things Jensen did before they met.
There are nights when he can't sleep, when he just lays there next to Jensen, wondering if the scar on his shoulder is from some accident on the set, or an accident in his bedroom. He wonders if the discolored place inside his left bicep is because Jensen touched a hot pan to his own arm, or if someone was actually playing with fire around Jensen's perfect body.
It's not logical. Hell, it doesn't even feel rational. But it's real; it's consuming, and it takes every bit of control he has not to stand up in the middle of the living room, demand to know who here has slept with his boyfriend, and then half-kill them all before firing them. He hired these people to work with him. How in the fuck is he supposed to do that now? Every day? Seeing their faces and knowing that they could have done things that he can't imagine ever putting Jensen through?
Chad is the last to leave, and by the time Jared says good night, Jensen is already bringing beer bottles in from the deck and placing them on the table. The anger is boiling in his gut, and he knows that he's not well-versed in hiding his emotions, so it doesn't really surprise him that Jensen won't meet his eye.
Doesn't surprise him, but it pisses him off. “You could have said something.” He tries to keep his tone nonchalant, but even he can tell it's not really working.
Jensen just turns and goes back to the deck, returning with a few plates and napkins. “Because you handle that shit so fuckin' well,” he rolls his eyes as he pulls the trash bag from the can and dumps the napkins inside. He drops the dishes in the sink and studiously avoids brushing Jared's shoulder as he passes.
What Jared doesn't handle well is Jensen keeping things from him. He always does this. When he thinks Jared won't like what he has to say, he keeps it to himself. It's infuriating because, unlike Jared, Jensen is relatively good at concealing his emotions when he's trying. Sometimes it feels like he has no fucking clue what's going on in his head, and that's scarier than any other thought he's had tonight.
He's rinsing plates and slamming them into the dishwasher when Jensen finishes straightening up. When he leaves the final glass next to Jared on the sink and walks wide around him, it's the final straw.
Without bothering to shake the water from his hands, Jared spins and grabs Jensen's wrist. “Fuckin' look at me for a second,” he demands.
Jensen does, and there's defiance clear in his wide, green eyes. “Why? So I can see the judging condescension? No thanks.” He jerks his arm back and turns his back.
He's almost to the door when Jared rounds the half-wall that separates his kitchen and living room. “Where the fuck you goin'?” Walking away from an argument isn't the best idea when Jared's only upset. Right now, it's the worst thing Jensen could do. “What's wrong, Jen? You feelin' tense? Wanna fight?” Jensen's hand closes over his keys on the hook by the door, but he hesitates in the entry. “You wanna fight, Jensen? Turn the fuck around. I'm right here.”
“You wanna hit me, Jared? Is that it?” He spins so quickly, Jared's surprised he manages to keep his balance. “You wanna knock the 'whore' right outta me? Alright then,” he shrugs his shoulders and takes a step forward. “Go ahead and try.” His arms are stretched out, and his expression is cool as anything Jared's ever seen. “Not gonna change a motherfuckin' thing, but you can give it a shot.” He cups his fingers in a 'come on' motion and takes another step forward. “I dare you.”
Jared can feel his fists clenching at his sides, and he hates this. He's always been able to control himself and the atmosphere around him but with Jensen? It all slips away. Like it was never there. Like he's just free falling, and it's never going to stop.
He takes a step back, lowers himself to the arm of the couch, and shakes his head. “I don't wanna fuckin' hit you,” he retaliates, clearing his throat in the hopes of lowering his tone. “Not your fault.” It's not. Of everyone he's pissed at right now, Jensen isn't one of them.
“Shut up,” Jensen fires back and shakes his head. “It's just as much my fault as it is any of theirs.”
“How many of 'em cuffed you to that bed, Jensen? How many of the guys that were here tonight, that I'm working with, that I have to look at every fucking day . . . how many of them hurt you?”
Jensen rolls his eyes, and Jared hates it as much now as he ever has. “What does it fucking matter? You fucking knew I was a whore when you met me,” he starts, but Jared bolts off the couch so fast, he snaps his mouth shut.
“Would you stop fucking calling yourself that?” He knows that Jensen slept around a lot before. Who doesn't sleep around a lot in this town? But the way he says it makes it sound like he sold himself on a street corner for pocket change and that idea is even worse than the others circling his brain right now.
Jensen just shrugs. “Not sayin' it doesn't make it any less true,” is all he offers in his defense.
“I just don't understand how you can stand in a room with them, hug them and laugh with them, after they,” he trails off and shakes his head. He can't say it. Can't even really think it without wanting someone dead.
“After they what? Rode me hard and put me away wet?” Jensen's not angry, and he's not even really challenging. Jared knows him well enough by now to know when he's upset about something, and when he's just reacting on instinct. “Jared, look at me.” When Jared lifts his head, Jensen smiles, “It was a long time ago, okay? And I haven't so much as wanted to go look for a fight, or a random fuck, in months. That's who I was before. It's not who I am anymore.”
Jared wants to be as “okay” with all of this as Jensen seems to be. He's supposed to be the one who holds it all together when Jensen gets stressed and tense. He's supposed to be Jensen's reason for taking care of himself, his motivation. He's supposed to be better than this. Whatever this is.
“Fuck,” he growls in frustration and rakes his hands through his hair. “I just . . . Jensen, I wanna kill anybody who ever fuckin' touched you before me,” he confesses. It may be stupid and immature, but when he closes his eyes and sees those angry, red cuff burns on Jensen's wrists as clearly as the day he stood him up for their first date eight months ago? It's all he can do not to rip somebody's head off.
“Gonna be busy with that for awhile then,” Jensen mumbles under his breath and then rolls his fucking eyes again when Jared shoots him a look that says his sense of humor is not so much appreciated right now. “Come on, Jared, what do you want me to say? Tell me how to unfuck them, and I will. Just . . . tell me how to fix it.” His smile drops away, and all that's left in its wake is the sincere, doe-eyed look of a kid who would do anything to make this better.
He would do it. If there was any way in the world to erase his past, Jensen would do it. Not because he's embarrassed by it, or ashamed of whom he was before, but because that's what Jared wants. Jensen's never been anything but comfortable in his own skin, and he doesn't apologize for the guy he was back then. But if it would make Jared happy, he would snap his fingers and make it all go away. Something about that squeezes Jared's chest a little too tightly. “You can't.”
Saying the words out loud changes something. Makes it more real. Definite. Impossible. Something.
A sharp movement out of the corner of his eye draws his attention back to Jensen as he tears his tee shirt over his head and then drags his hand up the flat plane of his stomach to rest on a small scar below his left nipple. “This one,” he says, and then trails his fingers to the burn mark inside his elbow, “And this one.” He touches his chin, “Oh, and this one.” He turns and reaches around to brush over another place low on his back. “That one,” he whispers, and then uses his other hand to point toward another scar on his shoulder blade, “and that one.”
When he turns back around and flicks the button on his jeans, Jared fights emotion settling deep in his gut. Battle scars. Wounds from a time when Jensen wasn't the guy that he is now. When he let people use his body just so he could feel like he was pleasing someone, so he could relieve a little stress.
His kicks his jeans away and touches a jagged white line on his thigh. “What do you see?”
Jared blinks his eyes and looks up into Jensen's eyes, surprised to see the smile on his face. “What?”
“Look at me. All of me,” he insists, arms spreading wide once again as he stands, unabashed, in the middle of Jared's living room, naked save for a pair of black boxer briefs. “What do you see?”
“I don't know, Jensen. What are you talking about?”
Jensen grabs an ottoman and slides it over until he can sit directly in Jared's line of vision. “Sweet and sappy as the sentiment may be in songs and movies, my life didn't start the day I met you, man. I lived a lot before that, and those six scars are never gonna let me forget that. I can cover 'em up, and some day, they might fade, but they're never gonna disappear, ya know?
“I'm so far removed from 'em now, that I don't even see 'em, though. I know they're there, but I sure as fuck can't feel 'em anymore. They don't hurt. They just . . . are.” He winks, grins so wide it nearly splits his face in two, and then says, “The only thing you gotta know, Jay, is if you wanna be here.” The words are his own, the same ones he said to Jensen months ago, and he recognizes them immediately. “Can you look at me and see more than those six scars? Or do you want me to go?”
What does he see when he looks at Jensen? He sees a whole hell of a lot of pale skin stretched over lean muscle and face that could make a movie star feel inferior. But beyond that, he sees a guy who works his ass off to be exactly what everyone around him expects and needs him to be. A consummate professional who only lets his guard down at home. Who still smokes like a fucking chimney, even though Jared wishes he wouldn't, and who won't give up his apartment because he's not ready to be tied down yet, even though Jared really wishes he would.
When he looks at Jensen, he sees beauty and strength and a future with the man he loves more than he can say with simple words. “No,” he shakes his head and leans back, allowing his shoulders and his fists to relax for the first time in what feels like hours. “I'll figure out how to get over it, but I don't want you to fuckin' go anywhere.”
Jensen stands enough to push the ottoman away and then falls to his knees, hands reaching for Jared's belt. “Alright then,” he smirks, eyes fixated on the task at hand.
“What're you doin'?” Obviously, Jared knows what Jensen is doing. His brain tends to pack for vacation when Jensen's on his knees, though.
When he manages to tug Jared's jeans down and pull his cock from his underwear, Jensen looks up again. Fuckin' licks his lips like he knows exactly what he wants, and how to get it. “Gonna suck every thought of me with anybody else right outta this bad boy.” He wraps his fist tight around Jared's dick and strokes it with slow intent.
“And then you're gonna tell me if any of those scars came from any of the guys on my crew, right?” Jared gasps. He does his best to keep his tone firm and authoritative, but when Jensen rolls his thumb over the head of his cock, it's a little difficult.
Dipping his head, Jensen pops Jared into his mouth and back out again. “Depends,” he shrugs easily, like he's the one in control here. “Fuck me stupid enough to forget what a terrible fuckin' idea that is, and I just might.”
He's got a feeling that this jealousy over Jensen's past isn't going to just fade away over time. The thought of anyone else touching this guy, before or ever again, kind of makes him crazy. But he's also got a feeling of Jensen's hot, eager mouth around his cock, and Jared determines right here that he's going to try to focus more on who Jensen is now than who he was back then.
Because who he is now? Is pretty fucking incredible.
Free Web Counter
Author:
raeschaePairing: J2
Rating: R
Word Count: 2900ish
Summary: Jensen's past comes back to bite Jared in the ass.
A Creative Control time stamp.
Thanks: To
billysgirl5 for the beta!A/N: I know it's been awhile since I posted one of these - hope it was worth the wait!
It has been said, usually by Jensen but occasionally by others, that Jared is a control freak. He knows it, accepts it, and credits it for making him the director that he is. Or, the director he will be, when pre-production on his own film starts Monday. The funding, script, cast, and crew are all in place and, in three days, the dream he's been cultivating since he was fifteen will become a reality.
If he can just get through tonight.
He's hosting a small get-together at his place for the cast and crew that could make it, hoping to build a little camaraderie before they start filming next week. Drinks and appetizers. Nothing fancy. Just his way of saying 'thanks for your help' and 'here's to a great six week shoot.'
Everyone seems to be having a good time and getting along, so that part is a relief. They haven't run out of food, and nobody is so drunk he's going to have to worry about finding them on his lawn in the morning. All in all, it's going well.
Except for the fact that Jensen has spent the better part of the night smoking on the deck instead of mingling. Granted, he's not a part of the crew for this film, refused the job flat out on the grounds that working for the guy you're fucking is just asking for trouble, but he knows a lot of these people. Hell, he's worked with more of them in the past than Jared has. And Jensen's not normally shy around people he doesn't know, let alone the people he does.
Maybe Jared's just been too busy lately. Maybe he didn't want to think about it. But when he glances up from his conversation with Kylie in wardrobe, to find Jensen leaning over to light a cigarette for the film's star, it punches him in the stomach. Hard.
The smile. The body language. The distinct lack of personal space. He doesn't know when, but there's not a doubt in his mind that Wes fucked Jensen at some point. And that realization sends his mind reeling backward through the rest of the night:
His first AD, Ian, hugged Jensen when he arrived and told him that it was good to see him again. Shawn, the sound mixer, said it had been awhile and they should get together again for drinks some time. He should have fucking known then, because Jensen never did “just drinks” with anybody before Jared came along.
And if that's not bad enough, he nearly vomits when he thinks about the way Dennis, the burly hulk of a Key Grip, slapped Jensen on the back in the kitchen and laughed about something Jared couldn't hear from his place in the living room earlier. At the time, he figured they just shared some inside joke from some set they both worked. Now, he's pretty sure the punch line of that joke was Jensen getting his ass reamed a little harder than he probably wanted it.
He's a control freak. Possessive and jealous. They're probably not his best character traits, but Jared can't help the rage that builds in his gut when he thinks about the things Jensen did before they met.
There are nights when he can't sleep, when he just lays there next to Jensen, wondering if the scar on his shoulder is from some accident on the set, or an accident in his bedroom. He wonders if the discolored place inside his left bicep is because Jensen touched a hot pan to his own arm, or if someone was actually playing with fire around Jensen's perfect body.
It's not logical. Hell, it doesn't even feel rational. But it's real; it's consuming, and it takes every bit of control he has not to stand up in the middle of the living room, demand to know who here has slept with his boyfriend, and then half-kill them all before firing them. He hired these people to work with him. How in the fuck is he supposed to do that now? Every day? Seeing their faces and knowing that they could have done things that he can't imagine ever putting Jensen through?
Chad is the last to leave, and by the time Jared says good night, Jensen is already bringing beer bottles in from the deck and placing them on the table. The anger is boiling in his gut, and he knows that he's not well-versed in hiding his emotions, so it doesn't really surprise him that Jensen won't meet his eye.
Doesn't surprise him, but it pisses him off. “You could have said something.” He tries to keep his tone nonchalant, but even he can tell it's not really working.
Jensen just turns and goes back to the deck, returning with a few plates and napkins. “Because you handle that shit so fuckin' well,” he rolls his eyes as he pulls the trash bag from the can and dumps the napkins inside. He drops the dishes in the sink and studiously avoids brushing Jared's shoulder as he passes.
What Jared doesn't handle well is Jensen keeping things from him. He always does this. When he thinks Jared won't like what he has to say, he keeps it to himself. It's infuriating because, unlike Jared, Jensen is relatively good at concealing his emotions when he's trying. Sometimes it feels like he has no fucking clue what's going on in his head, and that's scarier than any other thought he's had tonight.
He's rinsing plates and slamming them into the dishwasher when Jensen finishes straightening up. When he leaves the final glass next to Jared on the sink and walks wide around him, it's the final straw.
Without bothering to shake the water from his hands, Jared spins and grabs Jensen's wrist. “Fuckin' look at me for a second,” he demands.
Jensen does, and there's defiance clear in his wide, green eyes. “Why? So I can see the judging condescension? No thanks.” He jerks his arm back and turns his back.
He's almost to the door when Jared rounds the half-wall that separates his kitchen and living room. “Where the fuck you goin'?” Walking away from an argument isn't the best idea when Jared's only upset. Right now, it's the worst thing Jensen could do. “What's wrong, Jen? You feelin' tense? Wanna fight?” Jensen's hand closes over his keys on the hook by the door, but he hesitates in the entry. “You wanna fight, Jensen? Turn the fuck around. I'm right here.”
“You wanna hit me, Jared? Is that it?” He spins so quickly, Jared's surprised he manages to keep his balance. “You wanna knock the 'whore' right outta me? Alright then,” he shrugs his shoulders and takes a step forward. “Go ahead and try.” His arms are stretched out, and his expression is cool as anything Jared's ever seen. “Not gonna change a motherfuckin' thing, but you can give it a shot.” He cups his fingers in a 'come on' motion and takes another step forward. “I dare you.”
Jared can feel his fists clenching at his sides, and he hates this. He's always been able to control himself and the atmosphere around him but with Jensen? It all slips away. Like it was never there. Like he's just free falling, and it's never going to stop.
He takes a step back, lowers himself to the arm of the couch, and shakes his head. “I don't wanna fuckin' hit you,” he retaliates, clearing his throat in the hopes of lowering his tone. “Not your fault.” It's not. Of everyone he's pissed at right now, Jensen isn't one of them.
“Shut up,” Jensen fires back and shakes his head. “It's just as much my fault as it is any of theirs.”
“How many of 'em cuffed you to that bed, Jensen? How many of the guys that were here tonight, that I'm working with, that I have to look at every fucking day . . . how many of them hurt you?”
Jensen rolls his eyes, and Jared hates it as much now as he ever has. “What does it fucking matter? You fucking knew I was a whore when you met me,” he starts, but Jared bolts off the couch so fast, he snaps his mouth shut.
“Would you stop fucking calling yourself that?” He knows that Jensen slept around a lot before. Who doesn't sleep around a lot in this town? But the way he says it makes it sound like he sold himself on a street corner for pocket change and that idea is even worse than the others circling his brain right now.
Jensen just shrugs. “Not sayin' it doesn't make it any less true,” is all he offers in his defense.
“I just don't understand how you can stand in a room with them, hug them and laugh with them, after they,” he trails off and shakes his head. He can't say it. Can't even really think it without wanting someone dead.
“After they what? Rode me hard and put me away wet?” Jensen's not angry, and he's not even really challenging. Jared knows him well enough by now to know when he's upset about something, and when he's just reacting on instinct. “Jared, look at me.” When Jared lifts his head, Jensen smiles, “It was a long time ago, okay? And I haven't so much as wanted to go look for a fight, or a random fuck, in months. That's who I was before. It's not who I am anymore.”
Jared wants to be as “okay” with all of this as Jensen seems to be. He's supposed to be the one who holds it all together when Jensen gets stressed and tense. He's supposed to be Jensen's reason for taking care of himself, his motivation. He's supposed to be better than this. Whatever this is.
“Fuck,” he growls in frustration and rakes his hands through his hair. “I just . . . Jensen, I wanna kill anybody who ever fuckin' touched you before me,” he confesses. It may be stupid and immature, but when he closes his eyes and sees those angry, red cuff burns on Jensen's wrists as clearly as the day he stood him up for their first date eight months ago? It's all he can do not to rip somebody's head off.
“Gonna be busy with that for awhile then,” Jensen mumbles under his breath and then rolls his fucking eyes again when Jared shoots him a look that says his sense of humor is not so much appreciated right now. “Come on, Jared, what do you want me to say? Tell me how to unfuck them, and I will. Just . . . tell me how to fix it.” His smile drops away, and all that's left in its wake is the sincere, doe-eyed look of a kid who would do anything to make this better.
He would do it. If there was any way in the world to erase his past, Jensen would do it. Not because he's embarrassed by it, or ashamed of whom he was before, but because that's what Jared wants. Jensen's never been anything but comfortable in his own skin, and he doesn't apologize for the guy he was back then. But if it would make Jared happy, he would snap his fingers and make it all go away. Something about that squeezes Jared's chest a little too tightly. “You can't.”
Saying the words out loud changes something. Makes it more real. Definite. Impossible. Something.
A sharp movement out of the corner of his eye draws his attention back to Jensen as he tears his tee shirt over his head and then drags his hand up the flat plane of his stomach to rest on a small scar below his left nipple. “This one,” he says, and then trails his fingers to the burn mark inside his elbow, “And this one.” He touches his chin, “Oh, and this one.” He turns and reaches around to brush over another place low on his back. “That one,” he whispers, and then uses his other hand to point toward another scar on his shoulder blade, “and that one.”
When he turns back around and flicks the button on his jeans, Jared fights emotion settling deep in his gut. Battle scars. Wounds from a time when Jensen wasn't the guy that he is now. When he let people use his body just so he could feel like he was pleasing someone, so he could relieve a little stress.
His kicks his jeans away and touches a jagged white line on his thigh. “What do you see?”
Jared blinks his eyes and looks up into Jensen's eyes, surprised to see the smile on his face. “What?”
“Look at me. All of me,” he insists, arms spreading wide once again as he stands, unabashed, in the middle of Jared's living room, naked save for a pair of black boxer briefs. “What do you see?”
“I don't know, Jensen. What are you talking about?”
Jensen grabs an ottoman and slides it over until he can sit directly in Jared's line of vision. “Sweet and sappy as the sentiment may be in songs and movies, my life didn't start the day I met you, man. I lived a lot before that, and those six scars are never gonna let me forget that. I can cover 'em up, and some day, they might fade, but they're never gonna disappear, ya know?
“I'm so far removed from 'em now, that I don't even see 'em, though. I know they're there, but I sure as fuck can't feel 'em anymore. They don't hurt. They just . . . are.” He winks, grins so wide it nearly splits his face in two, and then says, “The only thing you gotta know, Jay, is if you wanna be here.” The words are his own, the same ones he said to Jensen months ago, and he recognizes them immediately. “Can you look at me and see more than those six scars? Or do you want me to go?”
What does he see when he looks at Jensen? He sees a whole hell of a lot of pale skin stretched over lean muscle and face that could make a movie star feel inferior. But beyond that, he sees a guy who works his ass off to be exactly what everyone around him expects and needs him to be. A consummate professional who only lets his guard down at home. Who still smokes like a fucking chimney, even though Jared wishes he wouldn't, and who won't give up his apartment because he's not ready to be tied down yet, even though Jared really wishes he would.
When he looks at Jensen, he sees beauty and strength and a future with the man he loves more than he can say with simple words. “No,” he shakes his head and leans back, allowing his shoulders and his fists to relax for the first time in what feels like hours. “I'll figure out how to get over it, but I don't want you to fuckin' go anywhere.”
Jensen stands enough to push the ottoman away and then falls to his knees, hands reaching for Jared's belt. “Alright then,” he smirks, eyes fixated on the task at hand.
“What're you doin'?” Obviously, Jared knows what Jensen is doing. His brain tends to pack for vacation when Jensen's on his knees, though.
When he manages to tug Jared's jeans down and pull his cock from his underwear, Jensen looks up again. Fuckin' licks his lips like he knows exactly what he wants, and how to get it. “Gonna suck every thought of me with anybody else right outta this bad boy.” He wraps his fist tight around Jared's dick and strokes it with slow intent.
“And then you're gonna tell me if any of those scars came from any of the guys on my crew, right?” Jared gasps. He does his best to keep his tone firm and authoritative, but when Jensen rolls his thumb over the head of his cock, it's a little difficult.
Dipping his head, Jensen pops Jared into his mouth and back out again. “Depends,” he shrugs easily, like he's the one in control here. “Fuck me stupid enough to forget what a terrible fuckin' idea that is, and I just might.”
He's got a feeling that this jealousy over Jensen's past isn't going to just fade away over time. The thought of anyone else touching this guy, before or ever again, kind of makes him crazy. But he's also got a feeling of Jensen's hot, eager mouth around his cock, and Jared determines right here that he's going to try to focus more on who Jensen is now than who he was back then.
Because who he is now? Is pretty fucking incredible.
Free Web Counter
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 12:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 12:33 pm (UTC)I liked it, how Jensen is over the past and has moved on and accepted it. Guess he will have to get Jared not thinking a lot in the future to even have him accept it!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:06 pm (UTC)If there's one thing I can say for Jensen, it's that he's always known exactly who he is, and exactly who other people think he is. Jared's the one who has a romanticized, idealized version of him. Or, at least, he did before this. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 12:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:06 pm (UTC)(Who doesn't love a little angst to start their week?)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 12:53 pm (UTC)I'm happy to see that Jensen recognizes that he is no longer the person he was and is happy with that.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:09 pm (UTC)One of my favorite things about this Jensen is that he's always been exactly who he is, even when that guy wasn't so much healthy. He doesn't try to pretend that he's better or worse off than he is. He knows he needs Jared, and he wants Jared, but he never loses sight of who he was before, or even who he is now outside of Jared. He comes across as the more damaged one in these stories, but he's really pretty fuckin' strong deep down.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 12:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:09 pm (UTC)I was afraid the scar thing was going to be a little bit heavy-handed (it's not exactly a subtle metaphor), so I'm glad it worked for you!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 01:19 pm (UTC)But, heh, Jared needs a little fix of some sort here. Poor, fucked up guy. (Not that Jensen isn't a little fucked in the head, too....)
:)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:14 pm (UTC)I've always felt like Jared is a little too 'knight-in-shining-armor' in this fic - he wasn't flawed enough in my head. I'm glad he seems fucked up, as weird as it feels to say that! ;)
I think, if Jensen had just banged half of Hollywood, Jared wouldn't be bothered by it. What gets to him is the fact that he saw how Jensen used to operate first-hand, and it was disturbing. Now that they're together, he'd rather just pretend that guy never existed.
Unfortunately, for Los Angeles to be one of the biggest cities in US, Hollywood is one of the smallest towns EVER. They're going to run into people that just won't let Jared forget . . . which means he has to get over it. Or Jensen's going to have to do a lot of distracting. (I fear for poor Jensen's jaw, if that's the case.)
Anyway - enough rambling! Thank you so much!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:20 pm (UTC)this really brought to the fore for Jared just exactly what Jensen's life really is.
I think Jared wanted to believe, before this, that Jensen was an unwitting victim in his own life before they met. He has a hard time wrapping his head around the idea that this guy he's crazy about used to allow people to bruise and burn and scar him.
Okay, I'm going to stop now - I'm really rambling a lot this morning! - and say THANKS for reading and taking the time to comment!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:25 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked this one, though! Thank you so much!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 01:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:28 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:24 pm (UTC)Cat
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:31 pm (UTC)Lisa x
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:36 pm (UTC)HEY! What ficlet do you want for your birthday? I meant to send you a message and actual work got in the way - let me know and it's yours. ;)
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 02:45 pm (UTC)A revealing addition if I can add my opinion ;) I like how your timestamps give us juuuuust a liitttle bit more of the characters you get us all hooked on to start with. Best example: Jared. I like how he needed to see the 'after' version of things to really acknowledge and get pissed off about the situations Jensen was in before. I've observed that to sometimes be the case in life so ;) good on you.
\o/ yay for things that are between big bang deadlines!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 03:00 pm (UTC)I think you're right - before, Jared was too focused on getting Jensen to stop doing what he was doing, and to start seeing Jared as the one who could be all of the 'stress relief' he needed, so he didn't really pay attention to the reality of the situation.
They both work in the same industry, so they're going to run into people from each other's pasts. And Jared doesn't handle it so much well, but I don't think Jensen would be so quick to accept some of the twinky little subs Jared's had in his past, either. They're pretty equal on the 'possessive' scale.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 04:21 pm (UTC)awesome addition.. =)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 04:43 pm (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 06:14 pm (UTC)Because we see just how strong Jensen is despite all the issues and the crap he did and how much control he has in giving it to Jared (who is so much more insecure than he's willing to admit).
Really great! -thanks for the installment.
*hugs* B
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 06:26 pm (UTC)It's important to me, with this 'verse, that people know Jensen is NOT weak. He's a little apathetic and he makes some really dumb decisions, but he's not weak. And I think it scares Jared sometimes to think about what could have happened to Jensen before they met - just how dangerous some of his habits were back then. It's hard to just let go of those things when he's reminded of them. As long as they can keep plodding away together, though, I think they'll figure it out. ;)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 09:20 pm (UTC)You must do it again sometime.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-01 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 02:38 am (UTC)Yay! I really like these boys so I'm happy we get to visit them again.
It's like they fill a very specific need in each other so they can have this thing that fits both of them. I mean Jared is a total control freak and Jensen is like fiercely independent but they compromise beautifully.
Also, Jared's jealousy? yea, such a turn on. :D
I'm curious to see how Jensen would react to one of Jared's ex playmates considering he knows Jared liked to play umm a little harder than he does with Jensen. ;)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-02 02:41 am (UTC)